As if we needed another thing to worry about. Now our pets can get COVID, too.
Living in the age of COVID-19 is bad enough, but now we have to deal with murder hornets, squirrels carrying the bubonic plaque, bears that wield nunchucks like Bruce Lee and your favorite little cocker spaniel who could be carrying the coronavirus.
Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick may want to sacrifice our elderly so we can eat our chips and guac’ in the restaurant rather than the hell that is curbside pickup, but once our dogs and cats are threatened ... well, now it’s serious.
In the last week, the Texas Animal Health Commission reported that a family dog in Tarrant County tested positive for COVID-19.
A friend of mine told me his uncle knows that dog, and said that canine is a member of Antifa and the pup had refused to wear a mask because he believed this whole thing as phony as a 50-foot fire hydrant.
This case happened after a Malayan Tiger at the Bronx Zoo in New York City tested positive for COVID-19. Seven other big cats there tested positive as well, but all of those cats have since recovered.
Now you must deal with the possibility, albeit remote, that the animal you love so much will kill you.
Every dog owner has some fractional degree of fear that when they are gone, the dog could do something as annoying as relieving themselves on the floor to destroying a valued piece of clothing or furniture.
Cat owners fear their feline will burn down the house, or is transferring their money to an offshore bank account in the Caymans. Can’t trust a cat.
Now we must fear our dogs and cats not while we are away, but if they violate social distancing protocols in our own house.
IDEXX is a test and services company that deals with all sorts of animals. It has created a flow chart and algorithm for pet owners who ask, “When may it be appropriate to test a pet for COVID-19?”
The first question, “Does the patient have respiratory or other clinical signs of COVID-19?”
I don’t even know if I have it, so I am supposed to know if my dog does?
“That is the tough aspect of it because it’s basically minor coughing,” said Dr. John Minnerly in an interview. He owns University Animal Hospital in Fort Worth. “It’s minor respiratory issues.”
So if your dog or cat is coughing, it may not be their cigarette habit. Speaking of, it may be a good time for your dog to try the patch.
“There could be some wheezing. Maybe an increase in respiration rate, which in North Texas it’s already tough,” Minnerly said. “We have a lot of dogs that already suffer from a lot of allergies that cause similar symptoms. They’re just respiratory infections that are not COVID.”
Now, what happens if your beloved dog or cat actually wins the lottery and tests positive for the coronavirus?
Per the IDEXX flow chart, the animal would have to be isolated to “avoid infecting other patients.”
That’s going to require dog counseling sessions. And dog therapists are notorious for not accepting co-pays.
What this comes down to is one more thing to “test” on a visit to the vet.
Going to the vet is as bad as going to the dentist. I don’t need another x-ray, and my dog doesn’t need a full scale allergy test.
I don’t need one more “checkup” to add to a vet bill that will force me to apply for a second mortgage.
So the dog has some allergies. I’m tired of these Ms. Karen Snowflake dogs and cats who can’t tough out the hard seasons the way pets did in the ‘50s. That’s when dogs were dogs and cats were cats.
When we were kids, we fed our pets heartworms. Not heartworm medicine, but actual heartworms. Made ‘em tough, and gave them herd immunity.
Pets like those would gladly sacrifice their final years to open up the economy.
“At this point, COVID should not be a major concern for pet owners,” Minnerly said. “So far they have not been able to show any link between a pet giving the owner COVID. So far it’s strictly the pets that have tested positive have been the pets of owners that have been positive.
“COVID is really very far down the list [of concerns], and we still don’t have the exact number. Less than 100 cases [among pets] so far in the U.S. You’re fine, but the caveat to all of this is, unless it mutates.”
Uh, how much will that cost me?
