Fort Worth therapist explains how to navigate ‘incredibly divisive’ politics at Thanksgiving
Holidays can be awfully stressful. Many factors contribute to this, but what doesn’t help is when a family member brings up politics.
Charity Hagains, senior therapist at Noyau Wellness Center Fort Worth, says holiday family stress can result from several factors.
“A common theme for many families is that we place such a high priority on holiday enjoyment. We can have really high expectations of ourselves during the holidays, and when those expectations are unreasonable, we can become stressed, making the holiday unpleasant.”
Especially with the election still looming, Hagains also says politics can be very divisive for families.
Holidays should be something that families enjoy together, not the reason families dread seeing each other. In order to enjoy your Thanksgiving, Hagains suggests a few tips to help us understand why holidays are so stressful and how to avoid conflict.
Why do holidays bring family stress?
First, before getting advice on how not to keep the family peace, it’s smart to understand ultimately why holidays bring out tension.
Hagains acknowledges that the holiday season can heighten emotions, negatively or positively.
“If we feel valued and accepted by our loved ones, we’re more likely to view ourselves in a positive light. But if we feel rejected or unimportant, those feelings can spill over, leading us to struggle with self-acceptance and a sense of worthiness,” she says.
Along with those individual feelings, Hagains reminds us that families work as “units.” She says the most common stress trigger during holidays is unmet expectations.
“For example, maybe you think your sister will love the sweater you picked out for her, but she’s expecting something totally different. Or perhaps you’re banking on a cozy family dinner at 5 p.m., but someone else envisions a grand affair at 8,” says Hagains. “Even when we see family members communicate their expectations, we can see stress arise when those expectations are not met.”
It is common for family members to also place high expectations on holidays. Of course, if those expectations are not met, things can become rigid. Hagains suggests not making such high expectations for yourself in order to enjoy your family time more.
“If someone feels they can’t say, ‘I don’t like this,’ ‘I’d rather not talk about that,’ or ‘That doesn’t work for me,’ it can create a sense of dread leading up to family gatherings. And if those boundaries are disregarded—if someone continues to push a conversation or behavior that’s been explicitly asked to stop—it’s hard for the family member to feel comfortable or enjoy the time together.” Hagains says.
Of course, these emotions are not only applicable to the holidays; they can definitely be escalated due to high expectations of having a perfect Thanksgiving or a perfect Christmas.
So in what ways can we help ourselves diffuse tension?
How to diffuse Thanksgiving family tension
Avoid negative interactions
Hagains says the following actions can deeply strain a family relationship:
Name-calling
Criticism
Dismissing someone’s feelings
“When family members don’t feel they can express their needs—or worse when those needs aren’t respected—it’s bound to cause conflict,” she says, “These kinds of negative interactions can deeply strain family relationships, making what should be a time of connection and joy feel more like a pressure cooker.”
Cultivate a space for open communication and mutual respect
Doing this can help with the above issue of negative interactions. Mutual respect allows for no family member to feel as though they cannot express their needs.
Exclude political discussions from family events
“Politics can be incredibly divisive, and family gatherings are not always the best time for heated debates about policies, ideologies, or candidates,” says Hagains.
As much as this is hard for some people, because some feel very passionately about their positions, is it worth the stress of family drama?
Hagains suggests communicating when a conversation makes you nervous or uncomfortable. It could be as little as letting your family member know that if the conversation continues, you will need to remove yourself.
Simply removing yourself from the situation and getting some fresh air may be the answer, CNBC reporter Aditi Shrikant explained.
Because sometimes, saying nothing at all is better than saying something.
This story was originally published November 18, 2024 at 7:00 AM.