Love offering: A lost child, empty hearts and surrogate mother

Kaitlyn and Seth Wages lost their 4-year-old son Paxton in August, when he drowned in the family’s new swimming pool.

Though they have two other children, the couple felt an emptiness after Paxton’s death. Kaitlyn longed for another child.

“I just needed hope,” Kaitlyn Wages said. “I needed to feel like I had something to look forward to amid the tragedy.”

The couple, however, knew having another child would be hard, because of medical complications.

After learning of her friend’s dilemma, Amanda Gipson offered to be a surrogate mother for the couple.

Kaitlyn Wages, 32, is a midwife and owner of Origins Birth and Wellness Collective in north Fort Worth.

Gipson, also 32, is a birth photographer at Birth Unscripted, which rents office and studio space at the birthing center at 10345 Alta Vista Road.

Watching Kaitlyn Wages care for her patients and deliver babies shortly after her son’s death was a moving experience, Gipson said.

“She is always giving herself to other people,” Gipson said. “I photographed a birth with her after Paxton died. I was literally sitting in the back of this room photographing this birth, but crying because I was just amazed at her. In the midst of her grief, she is caring for these women and giving them the best of her.”

Kaitlyn Wages has delivered a few surrogate births as a midwife.

“The idea of surrogacy popped into my mind and would be the only way, genetically, we could have a child of our own again,” she said.

‘The perfect fit’

While the couple privately considered the possibilities of surrogacy, Gipson began to wonder if she could help.

“I have great pregnancies and great births,” said Gipson, who is married with two children. “It just has been on my heart to be a surrogate ever since then.”

In October, Gipson told Kaitlyn Wages she had a dream about becoming a surrogate.

“I just thought Amanda would be the perfect fit,” Kaitlyn Wages said.

With a plan now in place, Seth Wages will go through the procedure to obtain sperm for the in vitro fertilization. In March, Kaitlyn Wages will have her eggs extracted.

And if all goes as planned, Gipson will be implanted with the couple’s fertilized egg in May.

The family is raising funds for the in vitro fertilization and surrogacy, which is expected to cost about $60,000, Kaitlyn Wages said.

A new child will never be able to replace Paxton, but could bring some healing to her family, including daughter Presleigh, 7, and son Pierce, 6, Kaitlyn Wages said.

“We have all of this love built up and it is just sitting on our hearts and we don’t have a place to put it,” Kaitlyn Wages said.

‘It is their baby’

The birthing community is a tightknit group, and Kaitlyn Wages and Gipson have worked in the same circle for about six years.

“She has birthed with midwives and we work together,” Wages said. “I would get to see my baby practically every day and listen to the heartbeat as often as I wanted to.”

Giving the couple the gift of surrogacy was an easy choice, Gipson said.

“Kaitlyn helps so many other women and I think it is so cool what she does as a midwife,” she said. “I am honored to be able to show her some of that love back.”

Forming a bond with the baby will be inevitable, Gipson said.

“Of course I am going to get attached to this baby,” she said.

It will, however, be different from the love she feels for her own children, Gipson said.

“I think people have this thought in their head that I am giving away [the] baby,” she said. “It is never my baby that I am giving them. It is their baby that I get to grow and give to them.”

Looking forward to the day when she can hand the couple their baby is a recurring thought for Gipson.

“The magnitude of that — that is what I try to imagine,” Gipson said. “The looks on their faces, that is something I want to carry with me forever.”

Losing Paxton

Paxton was found floating in the backyard pool the afternoon of Aug. 15. He had been in the yard playing with his brother and sister and they were told not to get into the pool, according to police.

Kaitlyn Wages looked out and saw Paxton floating in the pool, police have said.

He was transported to Cook Children’s Medical Center in Fort Worth where he was pronounced dead the next afternoon.

Paxton’s organs were donated and given to seven people, including a 3-year-old boy in Chicago, who received his heart, the couple said.

After Paxton’s death, the couple began to work with North Richland Hills officials, who are working on a citywide drowning prevention initiative.

“It’s very early in the planning stages but we’re moving rapidly,” said Vickie Loftice, manager of community services for North Richland Hills. “We were inspired by Paxton.”

She said city staff and representatives from schools, hospitals and nonprofits are working together on the plan, which will focus partly on public education.

It has not yet been presented to the City Council.

“Every day that I draw a breath, I will fight for it so no other family has to suffer,” Kaitlyn Wages said. “I want to give him the legacy because he didn’t have time to make one of his own.”

The new baby will be a living legacy to Paxton, she said.

“We will incorporate our son’s name into the new baby’s name,” Kaitlyn Wages said. “That way they can carry a piece of Paxton forever.”

This story was originally published February 16, 2016 at 12:40 PM with the headline "Love offering: A lost child, empty hearts and surrogate mother."