Southlake lost a trusted police officer. His cancer-fighting wife lost her ‘soul mate’
Heidi Stokes finally understood what having a “soul mate” meant when she married her husband John who was a well-respected and long-time Southlake police officer.
John was always there for her when she couldn’t sleep because of the effects of her cancer treatment, even though he had to get up for work the next morning, Heidi Stokes said as she recalled the life they built together.
John Stokes, 55, died Nov. 29 of a massive heart attack while sleeping on the couch, she said.
Her husband had diabetes and took excellent care of himself, working out and eating healthy foods.
“I understand the deeper meaning of saying soul mate now that he’s gone,” she said. “It leaves a hole in you. It’s going to take time for me to talk about him without crying.”
Now, Heidi Stokes, who was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in February of 2019, is rebuilding her life without her husband of 16 years.
Along with battling cancer, Stokes is caring for her twin sisters, Ingrid and Monica, who have special needs and also live with her.
Her husband was the main breadwinner, and he devoted his life to caring for his wife, her sisters and his daughter, who has autism.
Stokes said her husband’s health insurance with Southlake ended a day after he died, but she is not angry, praising the city for the outpouring of love and support. She said her insurance is now through COBRA.
“Those things just happen,” she said.
Pilar Schank, a spokeswoman for the city, said in an email that the health insurance benefit extends to the end of the calendar month when a person’s employment ends.
“All former employees or their covered dependents have the option to purchase COBRA insurance for 18 months following a resignation or 36 months in the case of a death,” she said.
Stokes is also grateful to friends who established a GoFundMe account to help with expenses, as she is on disability benefits.
Now, she is doing her best to battle cancer while also caring for her sisters who are an important part of her life.
Finding love during hard times
Heidi Stokes recalled meeting her husband when both attended a “divorce help” class at the Fellowship Church in Grapevine in 2004.
After the series of classes ended, they started meeting in Heidi’s home in Lewisville and talked about their lives after divorce, she said.
They grew closer when Heidi needed surgery, and he offered to drive her to the store and to appointments.
They married in June of 2004 after he proposed at Lake Grapevine in the pouring rain as they listened to Andrea Bocelli, Heidi Stokes said.
Stokes said she and her husband wanted to build a home where they could create their own special memories, and they found property in Argyle.
They chose everything from the tile to the color of the walls, she said.
John Stokes loved cooking and made everything from scratch. She recalled many happy times celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas in their home.
“This house has memories. There’s no way I can let it go,” she said. “I can still see him out in the yard; I can still see him cooking.”
John Stokes also was a sketch artist for the police department, and he enjoyed painting nature scenes. He painted flowers such as orchids and also painted a waterfall.
Her husband also loved making people laugh, Heidi Stokes said.
When Stokes was with his daughter Becca, who is autistic, he would imitate Disney characters for her and play her favorite Disney songs.
Caring for his family
John Stokes began his law enforcement career with the Orange County Sheriff’s Department in 1986 before he came to Southlake in 1999 where he rose through the ranks from officer to sergeant. He also supervised the school resource officer program for the Carroll school district.
Sgt. Stokes was honored with five commendations and was named the Southlake Police Department 2018 Supervisor of the Year.
Heidi Stokes said her husband excelled in whatever he did, and he was given the nickname “Rain Man” because he could tell other officers where to find information in the training manual.
Stokes said she worried about her husband when he was out on patrol during the night shift. He was always working overtime to help his family, she said.
But when Stokes was diagnosed with cancer, she said her husband stopped taking on overtime work unless it was mandatory so that he could help take care of his wife and her sisters.
Stokes said she found out she had cancer when she went to the hospital because she was having problems with her neck and shoulders, thinking she pulled a muscle after cleaning out the garage.
But her doctor called her that night and said the radiologist found a tumor on her neck.
“I remember my doctor saying ‘Heidi, I think you have cancer.’ ”
It has been almost a month since her husband’s death, and Stokes said that all she can do is get through one day at a time.
Now, when she feels ill because of the effects of radiation and the cancer medications, she cannot call her husband who would come home from work, but she said she and her sisters are “a team” and they check on one another.
But she is also grateful for the ongoing love and support from the Southlake police officers who stop by to help change light bulbs or put away boxes of Christmas decorations.
On a recent afternoon, two police officers stopped by to help move a couch and to give Heidi special crosses for her to hold while praying. They also brought her husband’s honorable discharge papers. She also received a flag signed by Gov. Greg Abbott that flew over the Texas Capitol.
“They (police officers) are a huge help it just really touched my heart. They gave me the confidence to let me know everything is okay. You really freak out in the beginning and wonder what you are going to do. The love pouring out of everybody is amazing,” she said.
Cory Rattan, who knew John Stokes well, said “he was one of my best buddies.”
He described how Stokes was the first to arrive at the hospital when his father passed away.
“He was always very special to me,” Rattan said.
Officer Matthew Petrie also worked with Stokes.
“He was a heck of a boss. We never had a bad word for each other,” Petrie said.
Heidi Stokes said she is learning to be self-reliant without her husband’s help.
Christmas, which is her “absolute favorite holiday,” will be tough this year, she said.
Stokes said she does not want to celebrate in her home this year, but she will likely spend it with her oldest son.
She and her husband celebrated their anniversary in June, renting a cabin in Oklahoma for a chance to spend time together.
“I can see God’s hand prints everywhere; I know he is still here with me. Even though John isn’t here, I try to stay focused on John dancing on streets of gold.”
This story was originally published December 21, 2020 at 5:30 AM.