If April 15 is still circled on your calendar, well, it means you’re a serious procrastinator.
Or an accountant.
Either way, the final day to file your income taxes isn’t just for digging in between the sofa cushions for those last few receipts. It’s also a glorious time to cash in on freebies and discounts on everything from cookies to cruises.
Call it a bit of compassionate capitalism: Sure, you have to write a big honkin’ check to Uncle Sam, but at least you can get a free hydromassage or some cost-free shredding!
So, my fellow Americans, April 15 is the time to exercise your inalienable right to one or more of these 15 freebies and/or tax-day discounts.
Schlotzky’s: Buy a 32-ounce drink and chips and you’ll get a free Original sandwich (ham, genoa and cotto salamis, melted cheddar, mozzarella and Parmesan cheese) at the deli chain on April 15. That’s how Schlotzky’s makes Tax Day “Lotz Better.” (See what they did there?)
Hard Rock Café: “Sing for Your Supper” at a Hard Rock, including the one in Dallas, on April 15, and you’ll get a free Local Legendary Burger, proving once and for all that karaoke can be used for good, not just evil.
Great American Cookies: Get a regular sugar cookie on the house on Tax Day -- no strings attached. Just sugar on your lips and hips.
Boston Market: Buy one meal on Tax Day -- may we recommend the ribs or rotisserie chicken -- and a second of equal or lesser value is free. Bring friends!
Outback Steakhouse: Get 15 percent off at steak dinner through May 3.
Pizza Hut is getting cute with its “Pizza Return” promotion. Fill out a form at pizzareturn.com, where you’ll include whether you’re married and ordering separately and list dependents (degenerate friends count, apparently). Mail it in before April 18 and you could win a gift card ranging from $10 to $50. Seems like a lot of work. You might just opt for this instead...
Sonic is offering half-price cheeseburgers on April 15.
HydroMassage. Get a free massage in a hyrdromassage bed April 15-17. Visit www.hydromassage.com/taxday.htm to download the free massage coupon and to find participating locations. (Call in advance to confirm location is participating and to schedule a time for a massage.)
Royal Caribbean will pay taxes, port charges and fees associated with new bookings, saving travelers up to $200 per person, on six-night cruises departing between April 15, 2015 and March 31, 2016
Office Depot and OfficeMax are offering to help you with shredding -- up to 2 pounds for free -- through April 25. Get a coupon on their websites. (Though you shouldn’t shred this year’s returns and documents for at least three years.)
Staples one-ups its competitors by offering up to 5 pounds of free shredding through May 2.
Barnes & Noble: Use coupon code X8W8L3A online to get 20 percent off a single item through May 1.
Babies R Us: Shoppers can use this coupon to get $8 off Pampers or Huggies value boxes of diapers, valid through April 30.
Foot Locker: Get 10 percent off when spending $50 or more online when you use code LKS10AFD through April 30.
Ann Taylor: Get 25 percent off full-price items with the coupon code ANNT3BE, good through April 30.
Don’t wait too late
There will be no midnight pickups or parking lot collections at any Fort Worth post offices on tax deadline day — Wednesday.
If you can’t get it in the mail before 8 p.m., the post office at DFW Airport will be open until then. Otherwise, plan on heading to Dallas, where the post office on Tom Landry Freeway will have a retail window open and accept mail until midnight, said U.S. Postal Service spokeswoman Arlene Sanchez.
She said the postal service stopped setting up tents and collecting mail until midnight in Fort Worth last year because “we didn’t have the customer visits to warrant continuing to do that.”
To look up post offices open past 5 p.m. visit usps.com.