Less than one month into the football season and it is apparent that someone upstairs passionately hates the great state a’ Texas, and more specifically all things Texas football.
Break the glass: Hit the panic button.
The records range from perfect to decent, but powerful forces are actively trying to destroy football in Texas. The evidence is overwhelming:
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A. The season began ominously with Baylor’s latest scandal that is a state-wide embarrassment.
BU is spending well over $500K on a Philadelphia law firm so it can author a whitewashed “investigative” report about the rape case involving a former defensive end that is a stain on that program and their stud head coach.
The victim in the Sam Ukwuachu case has not filed a lawsuit, but assume Baylor will write her a check with plenty of zeroes to make this go away.
This season, Baylor has also suspended two players, and two coaches, and kicked off another player. Imagine the horror by Week 8.
B. Speaking of embarrassments, the two kids from San Antonio’s Jay High School who combined to crush an unsuspecting referee came forward a few days ago to say they were acting on the orders of an assistant coach. This was after it was reported the Duo of Dumb said they were mad because the ref used a racial slur.
Kids, do yourself a solid and quit talking. The more you talk the more we don’t know what lie to believe.
C. The NFC East favorite Dallas Cowboys have lost three of their best players to injuries — Orlando Scandrick, Dez Bryant and Tony Romo. The running game that could have an injured fawn run for 1,300 yards is averaging 3.4 yards per carry.
Joseph Randle, exactly where is the meat on that bone?
The Cowboys are good enough to get through a Dez-Romo-less stretch around .500. Remember, linebacker Rolando McClain and defensive end Greg Hardy return from their NFL suspensions in three weeks.
Should Romo miss seven games, Jerry’s toy can make the playoffs and reach the NFC title game, but so far it looks like something is working against the Cowboys. As a precautionary measure, it’s a good time to call Tim Tebow.
E. The University of Texas has fired its director of athletics, Steve Patterson, because he treated people worse than a baby treats his diaper. And the football coach he hired isn’t winning football games. #TexasStrong is 1-2, with a humiliating loss at Notre Dame and a crushing home defeat to an average Cal team.
Strong may have a found his quarterback in Denton Guyer’s Jerrod Heard, but the Longhorns kicker can’t make a PAT. Charlie Strong should give the girl kicker from Paschal a scholarship. Reilly Fox can make extra points.
F. The preseason No. 2 team in the country, TCU, is perfect but dancing with defeat. Quarterback Trevone Boykin has been good, but not like he was last season. He has missed open receivers for touchdowns, which in the Big 12 he can’t do.
The Gary Patterson defense is not playing like a Gary Patterson defense. Ride the “injury” excuse; it’s valid. TCU may be without eight potential defensive starters for its next game.
Now that the Big 12 schedule is here, GP’s team must improve or the Frogs will “get got” and left to play in the Gambler’s Anonymous Bowl. I had them as a Final Four team before the season, and right now that looks like a wretched bet.
The Frogs are 13-point favorites, but Saturday’s game in Lubbock has all of the necessary elements of a major upset.
A win for Tech on Saturday will put the Red Raiders into the Top 25, make QB Pat Mahomes a household name, extend Coach Bro’s job security and completely derail TCU’s season.
Weird things happen in Lubbock, but TCU does have two things going for it.
The game is not at night — the Red Raiders have their black and red magic voodoo when the sun drops behind the Chili’s, McDonald’s and Lubbock’s other top-tier eating establishments.
TCU hasn’t won in Lubbock since 1991, but an afternoon kickoff is more appealing despite the ungodly heat.
E. That leaves us with our SEC team. The Aggies are barking loudly under the NFL’s next hot property, Kevin Sumlin. With defensive end Myles Garrett and a pair of legit QBs, the Aggies are ripe to win a winnable SEC West, and enhance a program’s reputation built on promise, and self-awarded national titles.
Of course, the way the first few weeks of the season is going for all things Texas football, it’s a matter of time before something happens to the Aggies, Red Raiders and Owls, too.
Somebody upstairs clearly hates us, so feel free to panic.
Listen to Mac Engel every Tuesday and Thursday on Shan & RJ from 5:30-10 a.m. on 105.3 The Fan.
Mac Engel: 817-390-7697, @macengelprof