Watching the Dallas Cowboys can be painful, but listening to them is always fun
Watching the Dallas Cowboys these days has not provided much entertainment, but listening to them on the radio is good for a few laughs.
Dallas Cowboys radio voices Brad Sham and Babe Laufenberg have been around too long to do anything other than call exactly what they see — and what they have seen this year ain’t good.
They may not like this, but in listening to Brad and Babe call the Dallas Cowboys when they stink, one cannot escape noting the similarities to the duo of Statler and Waldorf from The Muppets.
To the ever-lasting credit of Dallas Cowboys Hall of Famer Jerry Jones, and his entire family, they have never asked Brad and Babe to be homers.
“I only know in 42 years no one with the Cowboys has ever told or asked me what to say or not to say,” Sham told me via text on Sunday. “I’m beyond grateful for that. It allows me to be honest and be aware of trying to be fair. “
As a result, when the team stinks as they do currently do, the radio broadcasts can be highly entertaining. Even when the game is not.
In an effort to find something remotely interesting about this season, I opted to laugh along with Babe and Brad when the Cowboys played, and actually beat the Vikings, 31-28, on Sunday in Minny.
Theirs is the same professional disgust most of us who follow this team share. The only difference is our checks don’t come from the Dallas Cowboys organization.
Enjoy some of these winners from the radio broadcast.
After returning from the injured reserve, Cowboys defensive back Chido Awuzie made an immediate “impact.”
“So Chido, welcome back,” Sham said after a Vikings completion and then a penalty on Awuzie. “Nice completion against you, and a quick holding.”
After Dallas Cowboys linebacker Jaylon Smith was unable to wrap up Vikings running back Dalvin Cook in the first half, Sham said, “You expect the leader of your defense to make that play.”
He’s not wrong.
On the recently added Eli Ankou to the Cowboys roster:
“Wouldn’t that make a good drink? ‘I’ll have an Eli Ankou,’” Babe said.
“Straight up, or on the rocks?” Brad asked.
“As long as it has an umbrella, I’m OK,” Babe said.
After the Cowboys had defensive tackle Tyrone Crawford drop into pass coverage in the first half:
“When a 300-pound lineman lines up and drops into pass coverage,” Babe said, “that must feel like a fish outta water.”
“I hope so,” Brad said, “because that’s what they look like.”
Babe, who does extensive preparation for each broadcast and is unafraid to roll out any assortment of discouraging stats, will also toss out irreverent references that typically don’t make it into most football games.
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” Babe told Brad in the first half. “Was that Ryan O’Neal?”
Yes. From the 1970 movie, Love Story.
Babe, it’s your job to drop in a The Way We Were reference during the next game.
Former Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo receives all of this positive attention for accurately predicting plays before they happen on CBS telecasts. Babe was doing this before Romo made it famous.
Early in the second half on Sunday, after the Vikings ran the ball on consecutive plays, Babe immediately said he expected Minnesota to call a bootleg and a pass from quarterback Kirk Cousins.
On the next play, Cousins ran a bootleg and completed a 51-yard pass to receiver Adam Thielen on what would be a touchdown drive.
“Wow,” Brad said, “did they not hear you?”
“They don’t listen,” Babe said. “They just don’t listen.”
By now, Sham, 71, is used to this. Whatever “this” happens to be on a given Sunday. He’s called Cowboys games for decades. He has called the Super Bowl teams, to the teams that can’t win a game.
The Cowboys are not good, but they have been worse.
When they’re bad, the job is slightly harder.
“I’m gonna say a little only because you know everyone is mad at all of them, and everyone associated feels some of it by extension, just as is true in reverse when they’re winning,” Sham told me. ”But I’ve done 1-15, 3-13, three straight 5-11s. It’s not my first rodeo.
“My job ... our job ... is to keep the audience informed and entertained. That’s our job. It’s only football. It’s not that hard.”
They do it so well, and with a humor that the sport lacks.
As the game moved on, the duo had this exchange near the end, after the Cowboys made a defensive stand to win it:
Babe: That was the worst thing I’ve ever saw.
Brad: It was terrible!
Babe: Horrendous!
Brad: Well it wasn’t that bad.
Babe: Oh, yeah?
Brad: Well, there were parts of it I liked.
Babe: Well, I liked a lot of it.
Brad: Yeah, it was good actually.
Babe: It was great!
Brad: It was wonderful!
Babe: Yeah, bravo!
Brad: More!
Babe: More!
Actually, this exchange was not from Brad ‘n’ Babe on Sunday.
It was from Waldorf and Statler on The Muppets, but when it comes to Brad ‘n’ Babe with the Cowboys, more, more!
This story was originally published November 22, 2020 at 6:51 PM.
