Online alcohol sales are up 243 percent because, y’know, we’re all in this together
According to Nielsen, Netflix, the Motley Fool, and Bloomberg, we are eating, watching TV, smoking, watching TV, playing video games and watching TV more than ever before.
Self-preservation now qualifies as “being productive around the house.”
Chances are good we can all vouch for taking one of these extra-curricular activities too far in the time of the quarantine.
When “all of this began” we set out to achieve greatness with the surplus of free time around our homes. Projects would not only be started — but, miraculously — actually get completed.
Muscles would get bigger. Books would be read. Vocabularies would expand. Gutters would be cleaned. Unused clothes would be donated. And relationships would be strengthened.
As a society, we will “come out of this” bruised yet intact ... but with dusted furniture. And our liquor cabinets will be completely cleaned out, too.
Now that we are into our 48th week of quarantine, our other favorite pastimes are emerging, and now crushing our good intentions of self-improvement.
Since “this all began,” 5 p.m. cannot arrive soon enough.
I am with the late great Dan Jenkins, who once told me while he liked a cocktail, his drink of choice was a root beer float. Nonetheless, these circumstances call for something stronger than two scoops of vanilla ice cream drowning in soda.
The circumstances demand your Cheerios not sit in a bowl of milk, but Jack ‘n’ Coke.
Happy Hour currently begins at breakfast and runs through whatever day, or time, you actually think it is.
When national and local government officials deemed a liquor store to be an “essential business,” even the most ardent of atheists said, “There is a God.”
According to a report in Forbes, the Nielsen marketing and ratings firm said that sales of alcohol were up “55 percent in the week of March 21.”
And we were told the economy going in the tank is a bad thing.
Before the coronavirus shut us down, drinking a double shot of tequila and water from your daughter’s Minnie Mouse sippy cup at 1 in the afternoon on a Tuesday drew mixed reviews from judgmental neighbors.
Now, you are just keeping pace with the neighbor who boasts on Instagram the pina colada they made serves as breakfast and lunch.
Nielsen also reports that sales of tequila, gin and pre-mixed cocktails have all increased by 75 percent compared to this time one year ago. We are loading up on margaritas. Wine and beer sales are up, 66 and 42 percent.
If you think people are not drinking responsibly, fear not. Online alcohol sales are up 243 percent.
Talking to a manager of Kings Liquor near TCU, business has remained steady even though its best customers, TCU students, are gone for the semester.
Even though Texas is allowing restaurants to sell alcohol for curbside pickup during this crisis, the minimum age to drink is still 21.
An entire campus full of college kids is gone for the semester, but the business has not felt the effects of what has been devastating to most companies.
Good job, Fort Worth. We embody picking up the slack to help local businesses.
The manager also said for a while keeping tonic water on the shelves was a challenge. You may not remember because it’s been about a week ago, but there was a time when there was hope that tonic water might be an effective at-home remedy against COVID-19.
It’s the rare instance when both Twitter and Facebook failed us as our doctor.
And because people are not stupid, they bought vodka or gin to complement the life-saving tonic water.
None of should this be taken as criticism.
Typically, I will drink beer or wine. My alcohol tolerance is somewhere between Embarrassing and Humiliating.
The liquor cabinet that did nothing but collect dust is now starting to show off some dead soldiers.
Who knew Moscow Mules were this easy to make, and could have such a dramatic impact on your outlook for both your day and entire life? A few mules, and everything is not only OK, but possible, too.
Suddenly, looking at my 401k is not a source of tears, but laughter.
A double? Sure. If you’re a coward. Why not stretch that double into a triple. It’s not like I’m driving anywhere.
The vodka is just about gone. When there is nothing else readily available, Powerade works an emergency mixer.
Now is simply not the time to discriminate against vodka, whiskey, Coors Light, gin, port, champagne, Zima, prosecco, vermouth, Jägermeister, ouzo, rum, wine coolers, Manischewitz, brandy, sherry, cider, Colt 45, muscat, Don Julio, vanilla extract, rubbing alcohol, or this black bottle that simply reads, “The End.”
After all, we are all in this together.
