NFL, Cowboys voters have spoken amid election-year turmoil

Why should the politicos have all the fun during the quadrennial election season when there are plenty of loudmouths in the NFL who aren’t nearly as sour and charmless? Are there voters with hate in their heart? Plenty. Just ask readers about who they believe is the most vile among Cowboys archrivals. Philadelphia, we’re looking at you. Are there candidates our voters love and who think can do no wrong? Plenty. Captain Comeback could run and win among our electorate for the next 100 years. We run the numbers on our NFL ballot.

What’s the best football?

Only the most daring literary critic (not to mention accused blasphemer) could find fault with the first book of the Bible. It just seems, knowing what we know, that it’s more logical that rather than rest on the seventh day, God ordered football players made, thereby blessing Sunday and making it indeed special. In the fall, at least. After all, only God could be responsible for such freakish football display and gaudy touchdown celebrations more glaring than the sun. Readers certainly recognized the 1 percenters, sending the NFL past the amateurs (no snickering, please). There is interest in the NFL and “interest,” as in, say, $100 on the Giants plus the points against the Cowboys. The NFL is impossible to handicap these days, parity having made choosing sides a coin flip. But there is always the other outlet for our inner demons: fantasy pools with friends at the office and FanDuel, DraftKings and the such on the office computer.

Which rival do you hate most?

Philadelphia Eagles...  slowly I turn, step by step, inch by inch. The mere mention of those words will spark rage in the obedient Cowboys fan. Nothing good happens in Philadelphia. Consider: Only in Philadelphia do fans boo and pelt Santa Claus with snowballs ... Only in the Cradle of Liberty do Eagles fans steal the prosthetic leg of a Vietnam War veteran. ... Only in the city of Brotherly Love do fans stand and cheer as Michael Irvin lay immobilized by a spinal injury. The right words are inappropriate for publication. Jimmy Johnson lived the fury as he watched his kicker, Luis Zendejas, stagger off the field in 1989 as if he’d had too much tequila, worm and all. Buddy Ryan, a real-life villain out of the WWE, had ordered a bounty on the kicker’s head, and rookie linebacker Jesse Small obliged. The voter apparently has never forgotten.

Are the Cowboys on the right track?

Nothing more roils the mind of a Cowboys fan than this question, which really requires a fourth option: “Yes, no, I don’t know.” Ultimately, the “no’s” have it, and the no’s are probably right. What’s out there to give the Cowboys’ fan much hope? Since winning the franchise’s fifth Super Bowl in the 1995 season, the Cowboys have been as good as iced soup, 158-162 with three playoff victories. There’s nothing more Jacksonville Jaguars than that. Nothing confounds the schizoid Cowboys fan more than the owner, whom they love, and the general manager, whom they hate. As you know, the owner and the general manager are the same person, Jerry Jones, who will never be accused of not being committed or ambitious. So ambitious and overzealous, in fact, that he has been likened to Phaeton, of Greek mythology, who drove his chariot so fast and hot that it exploded in flames. Cowboys fans want a general manager who knows exactly how to drive the chariot. And a starting quarterback who stays upright.

Who is your favorite Cowboys player?

It’s Jason Witten in an electoral landslide over the runner-up, who no doubt still suffers from the lingering perception among the Super Bowl-starved masses that his eye is better trained for things other than opposing defensive backs, especially in crunch time. But if Bob Lilly was Mr. Cowboy of yesteryear, Witten is that today. The loyalty, the durability, the tenure. For Cowboys Youth, he’s the only tight end they’ve ever known. And then there’s the throwback grit. Oh, the throwback grit. It’s as alluring to fans as funny-smelling cigarettes are to Snoop Dog. A broken jaw requiring plates and screws to fix ... a lacerated spleen ... the lasting memory of churning determinedly for more yards despite losing his helmet and a bloody nose against the hated Eagles. Blood and sweat, but no tears. He is who we want to be in a football player but also who we are: It’s not always pretty, but he always seems to find a way.

Who is your all-time favorite Cowboys player?

America has George Washington. America’s Team has Roger Staubach, whose prestige knows no generational or celestial boundaries. All the legend lacks is a blue ox named Babe. Staubach wasn’t around long — only eight seasons of at least 10 games — and his stats won’t blow the bean counters away. But it’s the moments that make the man: leading his team back when defeat looked all but certain; six NFC Championship Games, two Super Bowl wins, the Hail Mary. We lived his agony when Jackie Smith couldn’t hold onto a would-be touchdown pass in Super Bowl XIII. But it’s also what he represents as the All-American boy done good, a Heisman Trophy winner at the Naval Academy who sacrificed five years of his career for country, and became a Hall of Famer.

Who is your all-time favorite Cowboys coach?

He ruled the empire with what some call an Old Testament glare and New Testament mercy, not to mention a stylish fedora. The Cowboys enjoy their status as America’s Team and all the enthusiasm and expectations that go along with it because of Tom Landry, the franchise’s first face, the captain who steered the ship through the uncharted waters of expansion, the innovator who changed the game and built the team into an annual powerhouse that became the envy of football. Landry was devoted to his task, staying on for the franchise’s first 29 years, winning 250 games and two Super Bowls in five appearances.

What is the best all-time Cowboys player nickname?

Daryl Johnston lost his given first name years ago. When chanted by the throngs of thousands assembled at Texas Stadium, Johnston’s nickname had the sounds of the art of choreography. But when you heard it, you knew Emmitt Smith just broke off a 10-yard gain behind his 6-foot-2, 238-pound fullback. That’s what comes for a player appreciated for his sacrifice of having gladly embraced the dirty, tiring and thankless work of football, in his case the lead blocker for most of Smith’s record-breaking, Hall of Fame career.

What is the best Cowboys Super Bowl win?

The top two vote-getters reflect the words of a wise man: “The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost.” Voters recall well the euphoria of ending an almost 15-year Super Bowl drought with a decisive 52-17 triumph over the Buffalo Bills in January 1993. Even Leon Lett’s faux pas was delightful. And today, fans remember with fondness the last Super Bowl because of the fear they’ll never see another in their lifetime. In XXVII, game MVP Troy Aikman passed for four touchdowns and Emmitt Smith rushed for 108 yards while the defense converted nine turnovers into 35 points. Nine turnovers! For perspective, the Cowboys collected 11 turnovers all of last season.

What was the Cowboys’ worst moment?

Dwight Clark’s improbable touchdown catch over Everson Walls in January 1982 ruined the childhood of many who sat there dumbfounded while their parents waited for 60 Minutes. But the thievery of Clark represented something even bigger: That game-winning catch in a 28-27 49ers victory essentially marked the end of the Cowboys’ first dynasty, which included two Super Bowl victories in five appearances. The Cowboys advanced to the NFC Championship Game the next season, a blowout loss to Washington, but the slide was immediately noticeable with an aging roster and the failure to adequately restock. “We had Clark double-covered, and he broke the route while Montana was scrambling,” Cowboys safety Charlie Waters said after the game, “and then Clark made a great catch, a spectacular catch. It was like a sandlot play, but it was spectacular.”

This story was originally published August 24, 2016 at 2:05 PM with the headline "NFL, Cowboys voters have spoken amid election-year turmoil."