We need millennials to buy into marriage — for their sake and everyone else’s | Opinion

Younger generations don’t value marriage very much. Well, that’s true for most of them.

Less than 40% of those born in the 1990s have married, far fewer than their older counterparts. Among Generation X, 75% married during early adulthood. For Baby Boomers, it was 80-plus percent.

Astonishing. I would have guessed that there had been a modest decline in marriage among millennials, not a nose-dive.

Maybe the old-timers had it right, that expanding the marriage definition would eventually lead to its dissolution. Perhaps we can chalk it up to broad pornography use, which erodes a person’s ability to be emotionally and physically intimate.

Millennials prioritize career, work-life balance and personal fulfillment. Generous at heart, they commit themselves to causes important to them, but more and more, they are not making an impact by doing the hard work of marriage and child rearing.

As such, they and their children are missing out on what healthy marriages provide: companionship, happiness, financial stability and longer life expectancy. Children raised in stable households are more likely to experience better mental health, perform better academically and avoid incarceration.

But as marriage’s popularity plummets, we will have to look elsewhere to replace its contributions. Which institutions are up to the task?

Certainly not education. Higher ed, in particular, is so out of touch with reality and Main Street Americans, it’s frightening. And Americans don’t trust churches or the government. So, count those out.

Science, legal systems, culture, social programs, and business — all play important roles, but they will not replace family.

We lamentably outsource child-rearing to a relatively new institution: social media. As our children consume it, they experience more depression and lower self-esteem. They are not developing soft skills such as reading body language and resolving conflict peaceably. Most alarmingly, social media’s broad use correlates with the climb in teen suicide and homicides.

While it is a herculean undertaking for two imperfect people — full of all of our insecurities, unreasonable expectations of each other, and our inborn self-centeredness — to sustain and grow a relationship over the decades of life, we just can’t do without healthy marriages.

What can we do to reverse course?

Leadership is about modeling and inspiration, so let’s speak a fresh narrative about marriage.

Why not state that marriage is uniquely suited to provide companionship and pleasure, do the vital work of child-rearing and bring economic and civic stability to our communities. All true statements.

We should remind young people that there is no success without difficulty. As we say in our house, whenever something wonderful happens, there is usually someone laying down their life for another.

We men should stop talking derogatorily about our wives and women in general (a sign of insecurity), and Hollywood should stop poking fun at fathers and fatherhood.

Our children should hear us talking about specific married couples who by dint of their relationship efforts over many years enjoy something beautiful and lasting. We should encourage them that although many marriages end in divorce it doesn’t ensure that theirs will.

The data are on our side, but more than that, deep down, we all know that healthy marriages are good for us and our children. As Professor Jay Budziewski might say, it is one of those truths “we can’t not know.”

Mary Englebriet marvelously stated, “There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship than a good marriage.”

Here, here, Mary. May our younger adults rediscover it.