In this crazy, convoluted, contentious, carved-up world in which we live, there sadly is so much that divides so many of us.
But when you get past factors like religion, ethnicity and international borders, and whether you love or hate the Dallas Cowboys, you realize the planet’s 7.5 billion residents are divided into only two major tribes: those who laugh with Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller and those who laugh at him.
And today’s subcategory in that split is the political meaning of Nutella banana crepes because Miller is trying to link his opponent to that dish.
Everybody’s favorite current Texas ag commissioner is up for re-election next year after a first term that’s divided us into the laughing-at-him/laughing-with-him camps. It’s clear that Trey Blocker is not laughing with Miller. Blocker recently announced he’s running against Miller in the GOP primary next March.
Incumbents don’t like primary challengers. Miller quickly went on the offensive against Blocker, who, to be fair, came out with political guns a-blazin’ against Miller.
Miller, as is his wont (though many often wish he won’t), took to Facebook for an early shot against Blocker, who is a lobbyist and ethics adviser. Miller, famous for never being photographed without his big ol’ cowboy hat, focused on a photo on the Blocker campaign homepage showing a smiling Blocker shaking hands with somebody at an eatery of some sort.
Miller has an idea of exactly what sort of eatery it is. The writing is on the wall. Actually, the writing is on a blackboard on the wall behind Blocker in the photo, which Miller put on his own Facebook page, adding a big red arrow pointing to something on the blackboard.
Here’s all we can read on the board because Blocker is standing in front of some of it: “tella Banana Crepes $7.45.”
“What in the world is a Nutella banana crepe?” Miller asked on Facebook. “More importantly, where in the heck did my opponent go to stage this photo op? Probably some Yuppie Austin Coffee Bar. Man of the people? I’ll stick to biscuits and gravy!”
There’s much to dissect here, not the least of which is: Does anybody say “yuppie” anymore?
Predictably, Miller’s Facebook comment drew lots of responses, pro and con. Some shared Miller’s horror that Texans might elect an ag commissioner who had been seen at a Nutella banana crepe-serving Yuppie Austin Coffee Bar.
“A Nutella what?” said one commenter. “Yeah, OK, this is no Texan. Give me a steak and baked potato with a few shots of whiskey. We can tack the crepe to the wall and use it as target practice. … A Nutella banana crepe sounds like something you would eat at a feelings awareness seminar.”
But the pro-Nutella banana crepe crowd also showed up.
“Love Nutella banana crepes — small thin French pancake-like things with yummy things rolled insider. A French burrito, only thinner than a flour tortilla!!! Travel more!!”
That input drew return fire from the anti-crepe crowd: “Crepes taste like crap.” (A comment begging the question as to whether the commenter has taste-tested both.) “Move to France. I’ll take my eggs, bacon and salsa every day over that nonsense. Or biscuits and gravy with chili sausage.”
You get the drift here. And it got better/worse.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Miller. I’m a reporter from Overcompensating Hats Weekly. My question is: why do certain types of food trigger you? We all have different tastes, you know. And my follow up question: Who does your botox injections?”
And there was this question to Miller: “How did you know it said Nutella banana crepe when the first half of the word Nutella is covered up by his hat? I thought you didn’t know what a Nutella banana crepe is.”
Miller’s disdain for Nutella banana crepes is posted right above his “recipe of the day,” which on this day was for cinnamon bun pancakes, for which you’ll need a variety of sugars and a dozen tablespoons of unsalted butter (melted). Sounds tasty.
We’re left with one question, one to which I got an answer from Blocker. Which Yuppie Austin Coffee Bar is the one at which Blocker is seen in the photo that inextricably links him to Nutella banana crepes?
“Ha!” Blocker replied by email. “This is the Old German Bakery in Fredericksburg, Texas, where I live.”
Ken Herman is the Austin American-Statesman’s metro columnist.