Having it all? This study shows that even as women earn more, they get less help at home
If the latest wave of feminism conveys anything, it’s that women can indeed have it all. They can work, bear children, enjoy happy partnerships, marriage, or singlehood, and they can do more than any previous generation of women has in this country than ever before.
Turns out, that has come at a cost.
A new British study has found that mothers who earn more than their husbands do more household chores. You read that right: A woman who literally out-earns her husband and has borne his children still out-works him on the home front.
Researchers studied the earnings and domestic tasks of more than 6,000 (straight) North American couples, some married, others non-married but living together. The study showed that even when mothers are bringing home the Bitcoin, they are also taking on most of the domestic duties. And the more mom earns, the more housework she does, especially for married couples, researchers found.
The University of Bath study defined housework as “cooking, cleaning, and doing other work around the house” but did not include childcare tasks, which previous surveys show are also likely shouldered by women. No matter how far the law comes, society goes or the wage gap narrows, the household landscape remains gendered. Why?
Either feminism has backfired on millions of women, selling them a bill of goods that turned out to be as real as Cinderella and her glass slipper, or the patriarchy is full of entitled, lazy, goons. It’s both.
We all agree full-bodied, Bronte-era patriarchy is bad for women. But the second wave of feminism, which encouraged women that they were worth the same as a man in the workforce and could work and bear children all at once, has produced a generation or more of women who have channeled their inner Tiger Mom and taken over. If you talk to them they’ll say: I had to.
Conversely, I’ve heard from all kinds of men who say they would do more chores, but they don’t “do it the right way,” so the task at large falls on her to complete. Many men — I’m generalizing, due to space — are far more deferential and will choose peace even if it means they inevitably do less.
Generally speaking, men will not work against the laws of nature, and fight for a place in the household, especially if she is also out-earning him. That’s too much effort and it feels emasculating. So the women continue to “do it all” and they’re frustrated about it, and the men are lazy and feel miserable, too.
Men: If you love your wife or partner, grow a backbone and tell her she doesn’t have to do it all. Surely there is more to your relationship than the bottom line. We’re no longer living in the world of Bridgerton: If you want to show appreciation to your spouse, contribute to your home.
Women who are unhappy with this scenario, as one assumes they would be: Do less around the house and work out an arrangement that divides up household chores in a way that’s satisfactory — and let him do the jobs the way he’s going to do it. Don’t treat him like a child and nag him to death.
For women who have walked the feminist path and found that it backfired, it’s not a sign of failure to admit that this no longer works for you. Don’t be afraid to create change when the path everyone said to follow is paved with a full-time job, kids, and most of the household chores. Life’s too short for that.
