Texas Legislature’s comedy week: Furries, phones, John Cornyn vs. Ken Paxton | Opinion
You probably wonder what your lawmakers are doing in Austin.
They must wonder, too.
With a month left to fix everything that needs fixing in Texas, the Legislature has sunk into comedy relief.
One Texas House member with a compulsive X.com habit was busted the other day for being distracted on his smartphone at the microphone in the middle of introducing his bill to a committee.
Another defended his bill against students wearing animal tails or ears and becoming costumed “furries” in Texas schools — even though he could not cite a single specific example of it anywhere in Texas.
Generally, it was another week when lawmakers waged political battles against everybody who is Not Like Them, a list that seems to include (1) American Muslims, (2) college professors, (3) those selecting the bathroom matching their gender identity and (4) Democrats.
Meanwhile, U.S. Sen. John Cornyn took to X.com to troll challenger Ken Paxton, setting the stage for a Senate primary in which Cornyn will prosecute Paxton in political ads over every ethics breach in his long and shady career.
That primary election is next March. But Paxton, the state attorney general, has such a rich history of malfeasance, Cornyn had to get started now.
After calling Paxton a “con man and a fraud,” Cornyn posted that his complaint is that his opponent “takes the 5th [right against self incrimination] at the impeachment trial and then admits [everything] was true, costing taxpayers $6.6 million!”
Technically, Paxton didn’t have to “take the Fifth [Amendment],” because defendants can choose not to testify. But Cornyn made his point.And in a separate civil suit, Paxton’s office didn’t contest some of the accusations.
When an Austin lawyer and political devotee predicted on X.com that Cornyn will retire instead of facing Paxton, the senator fired back, “What are you smoking?”
Cornyn has been at this for a while. Last year, when Paxton threatened to run, Cornyn replied, “Hard to run from prison, Ken.”
Texas bill bans minors from social media. Yes, really
Inside the Texas Capitol, the House rose up on its boot heels and voted to ban absolutely anyone younger than 18 from getting social media accounts, which should work about as well as banning them from shooting firecrackers or drinking hooch.
Sadly, the ban would not apply to babyfaced and fast-fingered state Rep. Brian Harrison. R-Midlothian.
Harrison was called out stridently by a committee chairman, Rep. Jeff Leach, R-Allen, for typing on his smartphone while presenting a bill in a meeting.
“Representative Harrison, can I ask?...” Leach began.
“I’ve never had a member actively on his cell phone while he is laying out a bill and answering questions from a fellow member. ... You’re not paying attention to him. Every time the camera goes back to him, you’re on your phone.”
Harrison replied, “I am not paying attention to the cameras. You’re paying attention to the cameras.”
Then the two had an exchange about — of course — decorum.
Wild claims of school litter boxes, but no examples
But the Wet Blanket of the Week Award went to state Rep. Stan Gerdes, R-Bastrop, a grown man of 39 years who filed a bill called the F.U.R.R.I.E.S. Act (Forbidding Unlawful Representation of Roleplaying in Education).
The bill would bar middle and high schools from letting students wear animal ears or tails, use a cat litter box, wear a leash, meow, bark or lick.
When he filed the bill in mid-March, Gerdes issued a chest-pounding press release saying he wanted to prevent “bizarre and unhealthy disruptions” and halt “radical trends.”
Radical trends such as barking like a dog?
Costumes would be allowed. But only in theater class or for school mascots, for Halloween or for a themed school dress-up day.
Gerdes’ original announcement said the superintendent in the Central Texas town of Smithville had reported a “furry-related incident.”
Then Gov. Greg Abbott latched on, telling a pastors’ luncheon how Texas needs school vouchers because “kids go to school dressed up as cats with litter boxes in their classrooms.”
But when the bill came to the House Public Education Committee, Gerdes said he only heard “reports” about a Smithville student. That school’s mascot happens to be the Tigers.
The Smithville superintendent, Cheryl Burns, issued a statement saying that Gerdes called asking if a school had a litter box, and she told him no.
Gerdes did not relent: “What we do with this bill is, we prevent that from happening,” he said.
State Rep. James Talarico, R-Round Rock, asked Gerdes if he could name a school with litter boxes.
“No,” Gerdes said: “I cannot on the litter box side. But I can on the furry side.”
But he never did.
Then, as if to explain, he said, “I live in a small town.”
The Capitol is one big litter box.
This story was originally published May 1, 2025 at 9:53 AM.
