Trump vs. Musk is like a marriage gone bad — because both ill-define manhood | Opinion
How did you learn it was over? For me, I knew the Donald Trump-Elon Musk tryst was done when I saw a Kanye West tweet bubble into my orbit and group chats.
Keep going, Ye. Your latest song may be our best chance at uniting the right.
While Trump’s and Musk’s respective jock and nerd ethos are different on the surface — Trump is a serial sports talk radio caller who never reads his press briefings; Musk, styles himself as a futuristic inventor and gamer — their shared pursuit of power, dominance and authority had fully coalesced when Musk spent $250 million on Trump’s 2024 presidential campaign.
Many couples blame finances for their breakup, and Trump and Elon are no different from us when trying to balance the budget, no matter how Big or Beautiful the bill might be. Trump claimed that Elon disapproved of electric vehicle tax credits, and Musk reportedly and soon publicly became critical of the “disgusting pork” in Trump’s signature legislation.
What was once a cold war spilled over into X and Truth Social, the posting apps. Within hours, Trump was threatening to cut all of Musk’s sizeable government contracts and, per The Washington Post, called the man he put in charge of bludgeoning our federal agencies a “big-time drug addict.” Musk upped the ante and suggested that Trump was a pedophile who concealed files on Jeffrey Epstein to hide his close ties from the public.
To borrow a phrase from comedian Lou Ratchett in his internet-famous — and fair warning, NSFW — skit: “But, Elon, that was your mans!” (And womans!)
My play-by-play won’t get your healthcare back, I know. I typically take no pleasure in watching a power couple spill their baggage in public, let alone same-sex partners during Pride. How much worse must this be for those who hold a narrow view of manhood that these men clearly prefer?
The conservative crash that immediately followed the fallout revealed — unintentionally, I believe — the psychic consequences you face when investing in the kind of manhood that Trump and Musk peddle.
“Guys sometimes will punch you in the face, and the next night, you’re having a beer,” said Fox News’ Jesse Watters. “Sleep with your girlfriend, and you patch things up.” (I’d rather not risk Elon conceiving another kid he won’t acknowledge!) Right-wing pundit Jack Posobiec said the two were merely “high-agency males going at it” and described their communicative style as “phallocentric.”
I’m personally unfamiliar with what phallocentric communication entails. But if Posobiec is correct, well, a Happy Pride to everyone involved!
These high-agency males want other men to see them going at it, especially the types who measure strength by their willingness to brawl. Last August, the SpaceX founder accepted Nicolás Maduro’s challenge to fight, even wagering a ride on his rocket if the Venezuelan dictator won.
Nothing ever came of Musk v. Maduro. Or that supposed cage match with Mark Zuckerberg, another guy who asked Meta AI to assemble his manhood for him, then tried his best. Because the tough guy talk is a show. Actions don’t matter as much as the image they represent.
Trump is no different. By promoting himself as an apex male worthy of our aspiration and veneration, the real estate mogul was a direct forefather to Musk. Even today, our president won’t let us forget that time he looked tough, commissioning portraits of his triumphant fist bump after surviving the gunshots that whizzed past his head. Garish as it looks in the Oval Office, at least that one happened.
But Trump’s obsession with sharing AI mockups of a physical figure he either hasn’t had since the 1980s or never will have, without an instantaneous commitment to Dolph Lundgren’s gear cycle. Getting that Soviet body would require a pillar of the manhood they want you to believe they embody called hard work. Unfortunately for the president, hard work is the direct antithesis to his lazy, get-rich-quick crypto meme coins push. (Anybody want in on $TRUMP? You’ll forget all about the S&P 500!)
Trump’s and Musk’s tussle betrays the vision they want us to see of their manliness, which is why the conservative crash-out scraped the bottom of the barrel for the manliest explanations possible. Rationalize all they want, but Trump and Musk haven’t met inside the octagon. No, the bickering couple are trading catty social media posts from the social media platforms they own.
On Friday, Trump took a shot at his ex over a viral picture of a black eye Musk claimed was from roughhousing with his sons. (The Washington Post reports Musk got it from Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent.) “I said, ‘Do you want a little makeup? We’ll get you a little makeup,’” Trump said of a conversation with Musk during a Friday news conference.
Alpha male? My guy, that is downright zesty. “Real Housewives of Washington, D.C.” levels of sass.
I don’t mind the gworls fighting and, in fact, welcome the entertainment value our first family provides. Because I don’t rely on their view of manhood. Lifting weights? Cool. Regular pedicures — does it come with an Aperol spritz? (Free tip to the single guys: the woman in my life enjoys the first and adores the latter.)
Quips aside, I’m no stranger to the pressures of an image dependent on dominance. Being yourself is a choice that sometimes feels like rejecting the oxygen, but in time, feels like a breath of fresh air. Millions of men intentionally disconnect from the irrational, unattainable and unintentionally comedic projection. These guys construct their identity on a foundation stronger than Trump’s and Musk’s counterfeits.
But if you needed a strongman in your life? I’m sorry, bro. But that’s beta.
This story was originally published June 9, 2025 at 5:24 AM with the headline "Trump vs. Musk is like a marriage gone bad — because both ill-define manhood | Opinion."
