Inside the sober curious approach to holiday parties

The holiday party circuit is in full swing. With events almost every night of December (and sometimes more than one on the same night), it can feel exhausting to keep up.

One way that some are trying to increase their social stamina is by abstaining from alcohol. There are many reasons someone might choose not to indulge, including past substance abuse or a “sober curious” lifestyle.

The sober curious movement gained momentum in the aftermath of the pandemic, when many were stuck at home with nothing to do but drink. Unlike sobriety, which is often (but not always) a result of alcohol use disorder, sober curiosity is defined as “having the option to choose, to question, or to change your drinking habits for health-focused reasons,” according to Verywell Mind.

Today, the U.S. drinking rate is at a record low, with only 54 percent of adults saying that they drink, compared to 67 percent in 2022. While more people are opting out of drinking, it still can be a challenge to navigate holiday functions sober, especially when the drinks are flowing.

Sam Bail, the founder of Third Place Bar, is an expert in navigating all aspects of a sober social life. She hosts alcohol-free pop-up events across New York City, and has a Substack, the Anti Hangover Drinking Club, where she shares tips, personal stories and local events. If you’re interested in getting a head start on Dry January, here are some of the tips that Bail has included in her Sober Holiday Survival Guide.

Set an intention for the night

Before the night gets going, Bail suggests setting an intention. Asking yourself questions like “Am I not going to drink at all? Am I going to have one drink, two drinks, or more?” can be helpful before you’re given the choice around a group of acquaintances or strangers.

“Actually saying, ‘No, I’m not drinking,’ often tends to be easier [than saying you’ll have a couple drinks],” says Bail. “Once you have one drink or maybe two drinks, it’s easy to say, ‘Well, what’s one more, right?’”

Bring your own N/A drinks

It’s good to have options, especially if you’re heading to a house party where there may or may not be non-alcoholic choices available (besides water). These days, non-alcoholic beverages aren’t just reserved for specialty stores — you can pick some up at Target or your local grocery store. Brands like Ghia and Recess offer zero-proof aperitifs and mocktails, respectively, and are widely available.

If you’re at a bar, having a go-to beverage that you’re actually excited to drink helps ease any discomfort or insecurity. Bail’s holiday season choice is seltzer and cranberry. “I often ask bartenders if I can just have it in a fancy glass with a garnish,” she says.

“Having something in your hands makes you feel like you’re participating and at the same time, it also can help fend off questions,” Bail says.

Don’t feel like you have to explain yourself

Hopefully, people know better than to ask someone why they’re not drinking. If not, Bail suggests the “grey rock approach,” where you deliver bland, neutral responses and even stop responding to intrusive questions.

“I always tell people, ‘Don’t feel like you have to apologize,’” Bail says. “Don’t feel like you’re taking away other people’s fun just because you’re not drinking.”

Have other activities to fall back on

For smaller, private events, helping the host can be a great way to stay engaged without having a drink in your hand. “Volunteer to clean the dishes or tidy up the house,” Bail recommends. “Just so you have something to do. [It’s a] distraction, both for yourself and for other people who might want to ask annoying questions.”

Have an exit strategy

In her Sober Holiday Survival Guide, Bail acknowledges that “at every party, there comes a point where everyone starts getting more tipsy and things start getting less fun when you’re sober.”

Though that may not be the case for every function, it’s good to have a plan in case you’re ready to retire on the earlier side. In a city with public transportation, it’s easy to hop on a train and into the night, but other situations may require some pre-planning. If you’re close with the host, Bail suggests giving them a heads-up so that they’re not caught off-guard when you leave.

“Just be prepared and don’t feel bad about it,” Bail says. “You showed up. That’s a big thing.”

This story was originally published December 17, 2025 at 3:45 PM with the headline "Inside the sober curious approach to holiday parties."