Essay: 10 ‘Bassolutely’ brilliant ways to welcome back Blue Bell

Blue Bell’s back!

Deliveries to Tarrant County resume Monday, just in time for this humble writer’s birthday, and a big ol’ tub of Dutch Chocolate is all the present I need. I, like many of you, am a lifelong superfan of the Little Creamery in Brenham, weaned from mother’s milk to Homemade Vanilla.

We’ve been Blue Bell bereft since last April, what with the company’s voluntary product recall after a listeriosis outbreak was linked to the creamery. Subsequent layoffs and no product to sell seemed to indicate that, horrifyingly, the 107-year-old Texas company’s very existence might be threatened.

And since then, we BB superfans have been sad. And mad. And HUNGRY.

But then, along came a hero!

The cowboy-hatted caped crusader was Fort Worth billionaire businessman and philanthropist Sid Bass, who flew headfirst into the Blue Bell desert wielding a golden scoop and an ice cream truck-load of cash.

With a generous investment, he became partner of — and savior to — the cows that think Brenham is heaven.

And, behold! Butter pecan-flavored manna from heaven descended upon us again! (Can I get a “Hallelujah, Amen!?”)

Thankfully, the Great Blue Bell Famine of 2015 has come to an end.

Freezer aisles throughout the company’s 23-state distribution network, including ours, are once again filling up with cartons of delicious dairy goodness.

No longer will we have to stare at the shelves and think, “What’s the difference between Dreyer’s and Breyers?” Step aside, Blue Bunny. Auf Wiedersehn, Häagen-Dazs. Ben & Jerry? It was nice knowin’ ya, but you can keep your Chunky Monkey. All hail the return of Cookies ‘n Cream!

If you’re like me, you’ve been dreaming of Blue Bell’s return for months. Here are 10 ways I’ve envisioned giving our beloved Texas ice cream — and the Fort Worth man who swooped in to rescue it — a hero’s welcome back to Cowtown.

1. A new flavor — “Bassolutely!” Whatever flavor Sid wants, as long as it’s rich. Why stop there? Let’s coin a new phrase: “Bassolutely,” which will mean “absolutely, I’ll drop everything and help satisfy the earthly desires of the human race.”

2. Repaint Bass Hall in Mint Chocolate Chip. And get those angels playing those horns! And hang banners from the horns that say “Bassolutely Awesome!”

3. A Blue Bell carton redesign. The young milkmaid walking with cows? RETIRED. We want a silver-haired dude in a cowboy hat walking with longhorn steers. Specifically, ahem, Fort Worth Herd longhorn steers.

4. Who’s got the pope’s FedEx number? Let’s send the pontiff a carton of Southern Hospitality and suggest Sid for sainthood. (Oops, wait, is Sid even Catholic? No matter.) Bassolutely!

5. Somebody give Meghan Trainor a lifetime supply of Happy Tracks. This, in return for a recut version of her hit song All About That Bass. It’s got Grammy written all over it, in chocolate fudge ripple.

6. Happy hour is Bass-y hour! Let’s all vow to replace our Friday night chard-on-the-rocks with a heapin’ helpin’ of The Great Divide, eaten right from the carton. Or indulge in ’em both, who are we to judge?

7. Sid for president? Oh, yeah. Adios, Señor Trump. We’re building a wall around Texas made from cartons of Red, White and Blue Bell.

8. Move those fishing poles. Turn Bass Pro Shop into the world’s biggest ice cream shop! Caramel Turtle Cheesecake, aisle one; Red Velvet Cake, aisle 293. Done with that carton? Recycling bin’s at the exit — you, too, can help build our wall!

9. Let’s float the river! Inner tubes and ice cream cones on the Trinity? Sounds like the next big holiday event! Ooooh, you’re too hoity-toity to get IN the Trinity? Haul out the yacht, pour some bourbon over that Tin Roof Sundae and commence a discussion on the philosophical dichotomy of Blue Bell’s inherent combination of decadence and innocence. First, look up “dichotomy.”

10. A ticker-tape parade! Imagine it: Sid, the longhorns and the pope slowly motoring through downtown Fort Worth with the Bass Hall angels singing from above as we, the people, shower our Blue Bell hero with paper receipts from our myriad Blue Bell purchases this week. It could happen! Bassolutely!

This story was originally published October 30, 2015 at 12:31 PM with the headline "Essay: 10 ‘Bassolutely’ brilliant ways to welcome back Blue Bell."