Movie review: ‘Ted 2’

Who would have thought that the most topical and timely mainstream movie of the summer would be one with a trash-talkin’ teddy bear and his beery Boston bro best friend? And it’s a sequel no less — from the often woeful Seth MacFarlane, the guy who delivered one of last summer’s worst films, A Million Ways to Die in the West.

In 2, Ted (voiced by MacFarlane), the teddy bear who came to life as the best bud to Mark Wahlberg’s John in the first film, has married his supermarket sweetheart, Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth). In fact, the film opens with a wonderful re-creation of ’30s-era movie musicals (choreographed by Broadway’s Rob Ashford) meant to evoke that sense of young wedded bliss.

A year later, it’s a different story. The magic has evaporated and Ted and Tami-Lynn are on the cusp of divorce. Meanwhile, John is no longer with Lori (Mila Kunis in the first film), so these two guys are just a festival of sadness.

Ted and Tami-Lynn figure having a child might help but Ted, being a toy, doesn’t have reproductive capabilities so they at first try to get a superstar donor (New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady) and, failing that, a sperm bank. Of course, the results for both are predictably disastrous.

Then they try adoption, but the process kicks into motion a legal action no one was prepared for: the state deciding that Ted isn’t human but is instead property with no rights.

Not only is he forbidden to adopt, but his marriage is annulled, he loses his job and — now that he’s officially a “thing” with no recourse — a toy company wants to steal him, cut him up to find out what makes him tick and manufacture foul-mouthed bears for all of America. (This subplot, revolving around Giovanni Ribisi as a super-nerdy janitor turned bear-napper, is the least humorous part of the movie.)

With the unspoken but implied motto of “bears’ lives matter,” Ted and John decide to fight back, hiring a fresh-from-school, dope-smoking lawyer, Sam (Amanda Seyfried), hoping to force the courts to recognize Ted’s humanity. The trouble is she has never handled a real case, but she does have enthusiasm and a law degree. Game on.

Riffing on everything from the Dred Scott decision to Roots, F. Scott Fitzgerald to Billy Vera’s ’80s R&B song At This Moment — and featuring cameos from Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman and Flash Gordon’s Sam Jones — Ted 2 is too scattershot to be consistently funny.

MacFarlane, who also co-wrote this, simply can’t resist the most juvenile drug, race, sex and penis jokes — though the running gag about Google searches almost makes it all worthwhile. Another running joke involving Patrick Warburton (Seinfeld) and Michael Dorn (Star Trek: The Next Generation) as a cruel gay couple falls flat.

And, if you’re resistant to MacFarlane’s liberal politics, then Ted 2 probably isn’t for you.

But when MacFarlane connects, as in a send-up of Disney musicals with a song sung by Seyfried, Ted 2 just might have you singing — and laughing — along.

Out of the mouths of bears …

This story was originally published June 25, 2015 at 11:47 AM with the headline "Movie review: ‘Ted 2’."