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Big Mac Movie Review: “Huntsman: Winter’s War” is flat but awash in hot people

The Huntsman: Winter's War

Long before the evil Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) was thought vanquished by Snow White’s blade, she watched silently as her sister, Freya (Emily Blunt), suffered a heartbreaking betrayal and fled their kingdom. With Freya’s ability to freeze an
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Long before the evil Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) was thought vanquished by Snow White’s blade, she watched silently as her sister, Freya (Emily Blunt), suffered a heartbreaking betrayal and fled their kingdom. With Freya’s ability to freeze an

Hollywood’s slate of 2016 Ginormous Blockbuster films is nearly upon us and the first toe-in-the-water is the cast of hot actors in the kinda sequel, “The Huntsman: Winter’s War.”

FULL DISCLOSURE: I did not see the original to this franchise, “Snow White and the Huntsman,” but it’s safe to say this film does not require careful observation. You’ll “get it” even if you don’t get everything.

Bad Sign: Liam Neeson provides narration for those of us who are too stupid to put it all together.

The Story: This is sort of a prequel/sequel. Charlize Theron is back as the Evil-est of them all, Ravenna, whose anger and narcissism run amok and now threatens to ruin her sister, Queen Freya (Emily Blunt). Ravenna has serious issues. Long story short - Freya loses her infant and in a rage runs “to the north” to raise not a child but an army of stolen kids who develop into extras from The Hunger Games.

If Freya can’t have love, then she’s going to expand her kingdom and burn the damn thing down.

Among this cast of stolen children happens to be a member of the first movie, Chris Hemsworth as Eric, or The Huntsman. And there is a girl, Sara (Jessica Chastain). You are not going to believe this but Sara falls in love with Eric. The problem is in Queen Freya’s kingdom, love is verboten.

Freya splits up Sara and Eric and now we have we call “a conflict.” Will true love win? Vegas oddsmakers are never consistent with this one.

Action: With plenty of swords, bows and arrows, there are plenty of PG-rated battle scenes throughout to satisfy any young girl’s fantasy to know that true love not only requires hot people, but bloodshed, too.

Nice Touch: With any renaissance-era looking film, short people are a must. In his travels, Eric runs into four short people whose British accents are not only authentic but the quartet of Nick Frost, Rob Brydon, Sheridan Smith and Alexandra Roach steal pretty much every scene they are in with predictable but funny banter.

Awful Touch: British accents are essential but only Blunt’s is authentic. Chastain really struggles with her Irish accent and Hemsworth would have been better to remain an Aussie. Theron just speaks slowly and does her best to accentuate the “s” to sound more threatening and evil.

Eye Candy: Between the elaborate sets and cool special effects, that’s what this movie is - eye junk. The problem is the movie is located in a “Frozen” style region where everything is cold, which prevents the sculpted Hemsworth or the ageless Theron to show off their best assets - their bodies. If you are going to cast Hemsworth, the dude has to take off his shirt to display his Thor physique. And if Chastain, Theron or Blunt are going to be in a movie, at some point they need to be in a cut off shirt and or short skirt.

What’s the point?

Should you See It: If you are a teenage girl, absolutely.

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