The Big Mac Blog

Breaking: Prince Fielder snores loudly

Texas Rangers designated hitter Prince Fielder has returned to the club in Arizona after he was treated for, basically, snoring.
Texas Rangers designated hitter Prince Fielder has returned to the club in Arizona after he was treated for, basically, snoring. mfaulkner@star-telegram.com

Whatever criticisms you, or Bryce Harper, have about baseball you cannot say the injuries are not entertaining. These guys would last one shift in hockey or two plays in football.

Spring is the time for hope in every Major League Clubhouse, as well the longest list of lame injuries and ailments this side of a second grader trying to get out of going to school on a Monday morning.

Whereas the hockey player will return to the lineup after he has been decapitated, the baseball player will take a day off because of a hang nail.

Texas Rangers first baseman/designated hitter Prince Fielder was not ducking spring training games but he was having trouble sleeping so the team sent him back to Texas to get checked out.

Typical work stuff. Most employers will gladly give you a few days off because you’re having trouble sleeping.

It should be noted that between 2007 to 2013, Prince appeared in no fewer than 157 games per season.

“I wasn’t breathing in my sleep,” Prince said.

This would mean he’s dead.

Prince has returned and on Friday morning he said he has been treated for the dreaded “Sleep apnea.”

What did specialists do before they created an explanation for everything? Before we “couldn’t sleep” and now we have an affliction complete with a set of drugs we can buy with a co-pay.

So Prince can’t sleep - join the club. I have “many, many fans” who love me and they tell me that reading my work has helped cure them of their sleep troubles.

Apparently Prince has been struggling to get a good night’s sleep for a long time and the team suggested he do something about it.

Start with the fact that he has now crossed over into the hated 30s and is 275 pounds. Those last two numbers simply don’t help.

According to SleepFoundation.org, it’s a myth that as we age we need less sleep - which, if that’s the case, I’m screwed.

“I was pretty sure I was snoring my whole life,” he said.

Prince was fitted for one of those weirdo masks that those who are affected with sleep apnea will wear in order to sleep through the night.

“I could have had one of those ‘Bane’ masks,” he said.

He should have. Prince Fielder would be more intimidating as a hitter if he came to the plate wearing a Sleep apnea Bane mask.

Now that he’s fixed his sleep problems he will return to hitting 30 home runs a season, which he last did in 2012.

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