Mac Engel

Golfer's incident reveals a double standard about domestic violence

PGA Tour veteran Lucas Glover, here pictured at the 2011 British Open, is not playing at this weekend's AT&T Byron Nelson in Dallas as he deals with a domestic violence incident where he was assaulted by his wife.
PGA Tour veteran Lucas Glover, here pictured at the 2011 British Open, is not playing at this weekend's AT&T Byron Nelson in Dallas as he deals with a domestic violence incident where he was assaulted by his wife. AP

If domestic violence is so serious why are people laughing about the allegations that Lucas Glover was assaulted by his spouse?

Where is the memo that says domestic violence can also be a good joke? Maybe the NFL needs to release a new video of its players awkwardly sighing and breathing to remind us DV is not funny.

A husband assaults his wife or girlfriend, and he's thrown in jail and is the subject of deserved criticism.

A wife assaults her husband, and we laugh with charming lines such as, "Shoot a better score to keep momma happy, and maybe she won't beat you up."

We all loathe double standards until we meet the ones that suit our needs or appeal to our brand of humor.

At the PGA Tour's latest event, the AT&T Byron Nelson in Dallas, predictably no one wants to talk about the incident involving Glover, who is not playing. As they should not.

What goes on in Glover's marriage is exactly none of the Tour's business, provided what he is doing is not illegal. No different than the Tiger Woods mess.

The other part no one wants to discuss: Domestic violence exists when a man hits a woman, but society doesn't care when a woman hits a man or when a woman hits a woman or when a man hits a man.

Where is the outrage from America's leading voices, male or female, over this incident? Don't bother looking because you won't find it.

Where are you? Say something. Get mad. Are we about fairness, safe environments between consenting parties, or is domestic violence a one-way path carved by the man acting like a child?

Whether someone has asked you for help or you sense someone is in distress, here are some general guidelines to help support possible victims of abuse, be it physical, emotional, sexual, psychological or financial.

Judging by the non-reaction to this story, these incidents are just a little embarrassing. Nothing more.

Lucas Glover's wife, Krista, reportedly was enraged following her husband's performance in the third round of The Player's Tournament on May 15 in Florida and assaulted her husband and his mother at their home.

Police arrived to the scene after a 911 call, and despite pleas from Lucas Glover for police to not do anything, his wife was taken into custody. Both Lucas Glover and his mother reportedly had lacerations, and there was enough evidence to warrant the arrest of Krista Glover.

She was also cited for resisting arrest after she grew unruly in the back of the police car.

Lucas Glover told the cops that his wife does not react well when he plays poorly. He also issued a statement via Twitter downplaying an incident.

Virtually all of what has been reported and described regarding this incident is typical of domestic violence and, if roles were reversed, Lucas Glover would be finished.

Katie Ray-Jones, who is the CEO of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, said that one in four women will be a victim of domestic violence, and one in seven men will be a victim.

Those stats do not specify if the relationships are homosexual or heterosexual.

"We hear from men who feel the stigma of being a man and not wanting to reach out and alert of us because of that reason," Ray-Jones said in a phone interview on Thursday. "When men are the victims, they often feel shamed by law enforcement, or they feel shamed by the court system.

"The issue of domestic violence does not discriminate against race, gender or socioeconomic backgrounds."

Ray-Jones said it's typical of law enforcement officials or judges to disregard a man's claim of assault because of the size disparity between a male and a female.

It makes sense if any rational person evaluates a situation and minimizes the claim based on the strength of the two people. And, according to Ray-Jones, all of the research says a woman is far more likely to endure violence than a man, and the chance of the abuse leading to homicide is much greater in that dynamic.

"We do hear a lot about slapping, throwing objects in the midst of an argument," Ray-Jones said. "In terms of domestic violence, it's about control that exists in the relationship, and the dynamics are the same whether it's a male or female aggressor. We hear a lot about intimidation, threatening to take kids, to divorce them, financial abuse, verbal abuse. Those patterns exist, and fear keeps people in those relationships."

The issues are the same; what is not is the frequency or the concern.

PGA Tour pro Lucas Glover was involved in a serious domestic violence incident, and precisely none of it is funny. From the issues itself, to the reaction it generated.

So don't bother looking for any moral outrage or concern because this double standard works just fine.

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