Bud Kennedy

Entertainment for a Texas summer: conspiracy theories

The “No Gestapo in Bastropo” crowd at this Jade Helm public hearing in Bastrop April 27 has more to worry about: a comet conspiracy.
The “No Gestapo in Bastropo” crowd at this Jade Helm public hearing in Bastrop April 27 has more to worry about: a comet conspiracy. AP

Why stop at one conspiracy theory when you can have two?

For everyone out there who’s just convinced the world will end any day now, you’re wrong.

It won’t end until Sept. 15-28. That’s when various cyberprophets say either a giant comet or asteroid will hit Earth off either Puerto Rico or Venezuela, depending who’s conjuring up the prophecy.

Hmm. And what else ends Sept. 15?

Why, that would be Jade Helm, the U.S. Special Operations Command drill here this summer that fed-fearing Gov. Greg Abbott is sending the State Guard to “monitor.”

Depending on which prophet pops up on your Facebook feed, you may learn either that (1) Jade Helm and the comet are a plot to overthrow America, or (2) Jade Helm is a plot to shoot down the comet and stave off global doom.

Thanks to the California-based fact-check website Snopes.com, we now credit online prophet “Lyn Leahz” with tying the two secret-squirrel stories together, citing inside knowledge from an unnamed friend who spoke to another unnamed friend, apparently not a scientist.

“They are moving equipment around to shoot at the comet,” Leahz says in a video posted by a Georgia author peddling Rapture books.

Snopes concludes that Jade Helm is not related to the comet, mainly because there is no comet.

Some of the fake-news posts quote a 15-year-old online report from the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab: “NASA knows of no asteroid or comet currently on a collision course.”

See? It’s a secret.

But Texans who believe anything on social media are ready to believe this.

In a new University of Texas/Texas Tribune poll, 44 percent of Texas voters actually think the U.S. military might be coming here to impose martial law.

The other 56 percent think it’ll be a long, boring summer in Texas.

Bud Kennedy’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. 817-390-7538

Twitter: @BudKennedy

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