Sky Talk

Airline fun on a “Fool”ish day

Virgin America’s latest plane, Jolene, honors Dolly Parton as the airline jokes it will move its headquarters to Branson, Missouri as Richard Branson recently discovered a long-lost relation to the city’s founder.
Virgin America’s latest plane, Jolene, honors Dolly Parton as the airline jokes it will move its headquarters to Branson, Missouri as Richard Branson recently discovered a long-lost relation to the city’s founder. Courtesy of Virgin America

Airlines are having a little fun on April Fool’s Day.

But it actually started a day earlier, with Virgin America announcing it was relocating its headquarters to Branson, Missouri as Virgin Group’s founder, Richard Branson, recently discovered a long-lost relation to the Midwest city.

“My great-great-uncle Reuben S. Branson founded Branson and was the original All-American entrepreneur,” Branson said in a video message.

The company said it was launching service from Branson and would name its newest plane, “Jolene,” in honor of Dolly Parton and would host “Dolly Parton’s Dixie Stampede-theme flights” on the new route.

Not to be left out of the fun, Southwest Airlines announced that bags would no longer fly free with a “Bag Fee Bandwagon Bonanza!”

The Dallas-based carrier said bags that are red, green, yellow, chartreuse or plaid would have a bag fee of $401.15 on weekdays, except on Wednesdays when the fee doubles for teenagers and passengers over six feet.

“All the other guys are doing it,” Southwest declared in a video message.

And for travelers who are gluten-free, Spirit Airlines will let you board their aircraft before anyone else.

With its new boarding policy which goes into effect today, gluten-free customers will get priority boarding with members of the Illuminati and the O-negative blood types following.

“We understand the boarding process for most airlines can be lengthy, confusing, and frankly insulting,” said Spirit’s Director of Boarding Procedures Sidd Finch. “It’s important to clearly define who should board and when they should be given access to the aircraft. These new boarding procedures will clear things up.”

Squirrels are ahead of secessionists and men with Low T and if you eat kale, you’re in the ten spot.

Happy April Fools!

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