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Mom vs. Mom

Our adoption has been going so remarkably well!  Sorry to my readers for being absent so long - I expected to take a couple weeks off from blogging when we got placement of our new son, but I guess the adjustment phase ended up lasting as long as a regular ol' maternity leave.

Our son is great - I have never heard of a placement going so smoothly.  He has been with us now 55 days and just yesterday, I came in from work to a big, "Hi Mommy!" for the first time.  Wow!  I was beaming with joy. 

Up until that point, I had just been "Laura," which I feared would go on forever since my stepdaughter calls me Laura.  I'd resigned myself to the idea that my husband and I would be "Daddy & Laura" forever and no one would ever call me "Mom" ... that is, unless I decided to pop out a biological infant.

Of course, having a dad was a novelty from day one and I expected him to attach to my husband first, which he did. One thing I was curious about at first was, "What does our son think a mom's role is?" since he'd never had a good example of a mom. His answer was, "A mom cooks for everyone."  Geez, do I spend that much time in the kitchen? I did manage to glean from that, however, that at least he can rely on the fact that he will have three healthy meals a day - a simple thing to most of us, but not a reality in his previous situation with his "mom."

I have wondered if I'll always be in competition with this woman.  He's made comments before about his birthmom as his "real mom," to which I said, "I am real, and I am your mom - do you mean your birthmom?"  He said yes. I want him to know I am it - his only mom.  It's true, there is a woman somewhere out there who gave birth to my beautiful son, but that's all she was - a birthmom - a surrogate - a placeholder in his life until I could get to him. I am grateful to her for having him and I will always be, but even if she was in labor for a week, it does not compare to the commitment I have made to him. I hope one day when he's older, he will realize that giving birth does not a mom make.  I am his mom and I will be for the rest of my life - not by accident, mistake or surprise, but by choice and with an open, loving heart.