Give thanks for work

If you’re reading this article on the day it’s published, then it’s Christmas Eve. And it’s Sunday. Work is probably the last thing on your mind. The biggest concern most of us have is making sure we’ve gotten everything we need for those we love under the Christmas tree. For most of us, we’re going to be sitting down at some point today to enjoy a holiday meal with friends or family or both. However, when we spend time with these people, the conversation will naturally come to a point where the following three words are uttered: “So, how’s work?”

How’s work? If you’ve ever asked or been asked that question, one of three answers has probably come up:

“It’s alright.”

“Things are good.”

“Work’s ok.”

However, if we stay on the topic of work for any length of time, or perhaps if a spouse chimes in with their take on how things really are at our workplace, then we inevitably reach a point where there’s a long story about how our boss is horrible person and our colleagues are no better than animals in the zoo. And isn’t it funny that when the conversation does turn negative about work, the stories are much longer with a lot greater detail?

“My boss is such a jerk! He had me work late for the last two weeks on this project that’s not even mine. And when it’s done, do you think he comes into my office to tell me, “Hey, great job! Thanks so much for all your hard work.”? Heck no! I don’t want more money. I don’t want my name in lights. All I want is for a little recognition for all my time, effort, and energy. Is that too much to ask?”

Now we could attribute how we tend to accentuate the negative to two things. One, we might think it a bit braggadocios to go on and on about all the great things about our work or the wonderful things we get to do there on a daily basis. More likely, however, is that our brains are hardwired with what’s called a “negativity bias.” A recent Psychology Today article highlighted a study completed by John Cacioppo, Ph.D., of Ohio State University: “He showed people pictures known to arouse positive feelings (say, a Ferrari, or a pizza), those certain to stir up negative feelings (a mutilated face or dead cat) and those known to produce neutral feelings (a plate, a hair dryer). Meanwhile, he recorded electrical activity in the brain’s cerebral cortex that reflects the magnitude of information processing taking place. The brain, Cacioppo demonstrated, reacts more strongly to stimuli it deems negative. There is a greater surge in electrical activity. Thus, our attitudes are more heavily influenced by downbeat news than good news.”

Switching the switch?

So why are our brains programmed to be such Negative Nellies? It should be no surprise that it comes from deep within the very essence of what it means to be Homo sapiens. “From the dawn of human history, our very survival depended on our skill at dodging danger,” wrote Hara Estroff Marano in that same Psychology Today article. “The brain developed systems that would make it unavoidable for us not to notice danger and thus, hopefully, respond to it.” So if our brains are, in fact, hardwired to remember the bad things more than the good to keep us away from danger, is there a way we change it? In other words, can we re-wire our brains to be more Polly Positive than Negative Nelly?

Sure, there are many ways that we can influence how we think at work. We can learn a new skill, or redecorate our workspaces, or set new goals, or be friendlier with our co-workers. But those efforts seem to be addressing the symptoms and not the real problem. In her article, Marano discusses how managing positive and negative thoughts can and do affect married couples. But, those same tools and techniques can also be applied in the workplace. “What really separates contented couples from those in deep marital misery is a healthy balance between their positive and negative feelings and actions toward each other,” wrote Marano. “Even couples who are volatile and argue a lot stick together by balancing their frequent arguments with a lot of demonstrations of love and passion. And they seem to know exactly when positive actions are needed.” The key word here is balance, but it’s not the kind of balance we think of. Whereas most of the time balance means half and half or fifty/fifty, Marano discovered that the balance is more like a ratio of five to one. “Researchers have carefully charted the amount of time couples spend fighting vs. interacting positively. And they have found that a very specific ratio exists between the amount of positivity and negativity required to make married life satisfying to both partners. That magic ratio is five to one. As long as there was five times as much positive feeling and interaction between husband and wife as there was negative, researchers found, the marriage was likely to be stable over time. In contrast, those couples who were heading for divorce were doing far too little on the positive side to compensate for the growing negativity between them.”

Think grateful thoughts

So, that brings us to our little experiment. Every time that something goes wrong at work, think of five things that are right about work. Don’t have five things? I bet you do. And to help inspire us, I asked some colleagues, friends and acquaintances of all walks of life about what they are grateful for at their jobs. Here are a few examples:

A CEO of a travel company: “I’m thankful at work for people’s insatiable curiosity to explore the world around them. It never ceases to amaze me that no matter what’s going on in the world, people want to get out and experience other places and other cultures and learn about other people.”

A retiree working as a part-time school bus driver: “I have much to be grateful for at my job as a school bus driver. I am fortunate to be healthy enough to keep working. I enjoy the interaction with my coworkers, many who are working retirees just like me. I do enjoy the interaction with my student riders. As a school bus driver, I have an opportunity to help set the tone for their school day. Bottom line, I love this job and intend to keep doing it as long as I am healthy.”

A fitness instructor: “My job as a group fitness instructor allows me to have a positive impact on the physical and mental well-being of people. A group fitness instructor is in the relationship business; I will pour into each participant to help them realize their amazing capacity as an athlete. I see my role as an incredibly important aspect of helping them discover the best version of who they are. I am so very blessed to help people with their self-esteem, body confidence and assisting them in creating a healthy way of life.”

Five things. Put them in your notes section of your phone. Write them on Post-It notes and hang them on your wall. The next time we have a bad experience at work, let’s fight that negativity with those five powerfully positive examples of why we love our work. But for now, relax and get back to your happy holidays.

This story was originally published December 24, 2017 at 12:01 AM with the headline "Give thanks for work."