Kick Tom Hicks again while he’s down

By RAY BUCK

rbuck@star-telegram.com

FIRST SHOT: For sale: Slightly used MLB team, tons of potential, strong bullpen, good stadium (lots of untapped revenue).

Has had many owners but hardly driven anywhere.

Lots of rubber on the tires, seldom taken out for postseason jaunts.

Will consider trade for equal value or even cut price for cash. Inquire at Rangers Ballpark in Arlington or call 1-800-SELLNOW.

— John Olthoff, Seagoville

BUCKSHOT: But do we get to check the tires and kick the owner?

SECOND SHOT: [Here’s an ad for the Rangers:] Help Wanted! That’s it. K-I-S-S. Keep it simple stu*** is my philosophy.

And given the team’s finances, that may be all the only ad they can afford.

— Bill Crist, Cameron

BUCKSHOT: Underst***.

THIRD SHOT: It appears Deion Sanders is still shutting down talented receivers.

— Jeff Hottenroth, Fort Worth

BUCKSHOT: Dez very funny.

FOURTH SHOT: All youS-T opinionators, in unison, repeat after me: "Please, can we get T.O. back?" You guys pen-and-inked him out of town.

— Harry Lingo, Arlington

BUCKSHOT: Two words: Miles Austin.

FIFTH SHOT: The Cowboys need to sign Brett Favre’s receiver in the Wrangler jeans TV commercial.

— Chris Thomas, Hurst

BUCKSHOT: Puh-lease. That guy makes one simple over-the-head catch, lands in a mud puddle, and can’t even do it on the first take.

SIXTH SHOT: The Cowboys don’t want Terrell Owens back.

If T.O. were back, Phony Romo’s teammates would be afraid to rally around him on the bench and console him while he cries about having a poor passing day. (T.O. would then have plenty of reason to complain, make fun of him and make him cry.)

T.O. in the right? That’s uncharted waters!

— David Houk, Fort Worth

BUCKSHOT: It’s just a good thing Niagara Falls is close to Buffalo. I think T.O.’s got the Bills over a barrel.

SEVENTH SHOT: Do the Cowboys miss T.O.?

No ... but they sure do miss Jimmy Johnson.

— Rev J.L., Fort Worth

BUCKSHOT: C’mon. The Jimster is old hair.

EIGHTH SHOT: An indoor facility still needed [for Super Bowl XLV NFC representative]? Come on, in the old days, players didn’t worry about a little rain, snow or ice ... [and] besides, my goodness, the game will probably be played between two northern teams.

They’ll be used to the snow, and so they can take a little weather with their football. I don’t think anyone has to worry.

— Sam Brawand, Bucknell University

BUCKSHOT: Maybe so. But the Cowboys want to be in SB XLV (and have only 16 months to make that not a joke).

LAST SHOT: Does [Cowboys-Chiefs referee] Ron Winter still have a job in the NFL? I saw more bad calls made Sunday than when Alexander Graham Bell first invented the phone.

— John Olthoff, Seagoville

BUCKSHOT: Ba da boom. Can you hear me now.

Ray Buck, 817-390-7760