Fans' Insider: Don't get too attached to Rangers' top pick

Putting on our Sunday best ...

The Texas Rangers used their first pick in the draft to take power-hitting, switch-hitting, first base-playing Justin Smoak of South Carolina. Smoak is being touted as the next Mark Teixeira, so I guess we shouldn't get too attached to him.

The amazing thing isn't that the Rangers used 22 of their 44 picks in the draft's second day on pitchers. No, the amazing thing is that it still won't be enough pitchers.

On the list of things I don't have to do before I do: complete a baseball mock draft.

You know, I'd feel much better about the Rangers scoring at least eight runs in a franchise-record six consecutive games if they had won more than three of those games.

Sidney Ponson's report card has the dreaded "N" for "Needs Improvement" in Deportment.

How bad of an attitude must a pitcher with a 4-1 record and a 3.88 ERA have to get kicked to the street by the Rangers?

Whoever came up with the definition of a quality start - three or fewer earned runs over at least six innings pitched - didn't grow up watching the Rangers.

Well, it looks like our Triple Crown hopes turn to Big Josh Hamilton.

For the record, I never had any doubt that Robbie Knievel would complete his jump of 21 Hummers on Saturday night at Texas Motor Speedway. Now, I might have been a little worried if Kaptain Knievel would have announced he was going to attempt to jump 20 Hummers and one Ford Pinto.

In his first two practices with the Cowboys, Adam "Pacman" Jones returned two interceptions for touchdowns. Anyone else concerned about the Cowboys' quarterbacks?

With a giant tub of popcorn on hand, Jerry Jones signed Terrell Owens to a contract extension worth $34 million. Just how much is that contract worth? For $34 million, you can buy eight buckets of popcorn at the movie theater.

During the NHL general managers' meetings at the Stanley Cup Finals, the big topic of discussion was the vagueness of injury reports. GMs told media members that they decided to either remain vague or get more specific in future reports.

Here's thinking that Ozzie Guillen's post-baseball work won't include a job as a corporate spokesman.

By declining to hear a case, the Supreme Court determined that fantasy sports services won't have to stop using players' names and statistics, meaning I won't have to spend the rest of the summer rooting for "StL 1B #5" and "NYY RP #42."

Major League Baseball and the players union have been working together to protect players' names and stats. Not to mention the money they make from those names and stats. Because, hey, you know, baseball fans will be monitoring the Milwaukee-Colorado game today on the Internet because they all grew up Rockies fans, not because Todd Helton is their first baseman.

Wait a minute. Did I just write, "Major League Baseball and the players union have been working together?"

The Beijing Olympic organizing committee has issued a behavior guide covering 57 topics for visitors. Oh, and this little tip: Don't breathe in.

If all goes according to schedule today, NASCAR driver Kyle Busch will complete his bid to be booed in three states over three days.

David Thomas' sports humor column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.