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Pete Rozelle would not like Week 9. The late NFL commissioner did not invent parity, but he did perfect it.
But where is that parity now? Four teams are 6-1 or better. Six times are 1-6 or worse. Look at this week’s point spread. Six of the 13 games have a spread of at least nine points. The average spread is just shy of a touchdown. And then consider that the Browns, Raiders and Rams aren’t playing this weekend.Looks like an easy week for picks. But you know what that means: There will a ton of upsets this weekend. And Pete Rozelle would like that. Washington Redskins at Atlanta Falcons (-10): The Redskins’ offense looked much better on Sunday. They had a bye week. Pick: Falcons 27-6. Arizona Cardinals at Chicago Bears (-3): There has been much hand-wringing in Chicago this week after Sunday’s game. And the Bears won that game 30-6 against the Browns. I will not want to be in Chicago on Monday morning. Pick: Cardinals 27-24. Baltimore Ravens (-3) at Cincinnati Bengals: The Bengals are 5-2, and the Ravens are 4-3. The Bengals won in Baltimore a month ago, and they are at home this time. When did BCS officials start making lines? Pick: Bengals 20-14. Houston Texans at Indianapolis Colts (-9): The Colts have won 16 consecutive regular-season games over the past two seasons. So if we created the “Tiger Slam” for Tiger Woods, can we call this the “Indy Perfect Season?” Pick: Colts 24-17. Kansas City Chiefs at Jacksonville Jaguars (-6 1/2): Suspended Chiefs running back Larry Johnson has slammed coach Todd Haley because Haley was a college golf coach and did not play football in high school, college or the pros. Johnson should be grateful Haley is his coach. Someone who had played football at those levels would have benched him a long time ago. Pick: Jaguars 20-17. Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots (-10 1/2): After Ted Ginn Jr. returned two kickoffs for touchdowns, the Dolphins need to find a way to get the ball to the not-so-sure-handed receiver on offense. So they are going to start throwing him high, end-over-end passes. Pick: Patriots 27-14. Green Bay Packers (-9 1/2) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers: There is only one way the Bucs can beat the Packers: trade for Brett Favre. Pick: Packers 27-14. Carolina Panthers at New Orleans Saints (-13 1/2): Uh-oh. The Saints intercepted the Falcons’ Matt Ryan three times last week. How do you think that makes Jake Delhomme feel? Pick: Saints 38-23. Detroit Lions at Seattle Seahawks (-10): Both teams have been so hard-hit by injuries that to keep their players unhurt, the coaches have agreed to play this game via computer simulation. Pick: Seahawks 27-7. San Diego Chargers at New York Giants (-4 1/2): Chargers running back LaDainian Tomlinson passed the 12,000-yard career rushing mark last week and now stands at 12,027. Unfortunately, the first 11,760 of those yards came at a better yards-per-carry rate and before he was on my fantasy team. Pick: Giants 20-17. Tennessee Titans at San Francisco 49ers (-4): The 1-6 Titans are 1-0 with Vince Young as their starting quarterback. This still could be the season he starts in a Super Bowl. Pick: Titans 16-13. Dallas Cowboys of Arlington at Philadelphia (-3): 44-6. 44-6. 44-6. 44-6. 44-6. 44-6. 44-6. 44-6. 44-6. 44-6. Tired of reading that yet? So are the Cowboys. But this is a big game, and you know what that means. Pick: Eagles 34-24. Pittsburgh Steelers (-3) at Denver Broncos: “Who said we’d go 16-0?” asked Broncos linebacker Andra Davis in the aftermath of previously unbeaten Denver’s 30-7 annihilation at the hands of the Ravens last week. “Not me,” I answered. I didn’t say the Broncos would go 15-1, either. Pick: Steelers 21-17. Last week: 9-4 overall (.692), 5-7 vs. the spread (.417). Season: 81-35 overall (.698), 66-44-1 vs. the spread (.599). Sports humor columnist David Thomas’ NFL picks appear Thursdays. Follow him on Twitter @FansInsider.
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