By DAVID THOMAS
dthomas@star-telegram.com
I had to go buy another copy of the newspaper Monday morning.
When I read Dallas Cowboys linebacker Keith Brooking cautioning against drinking the "Cowboy Kool-Aid," I spit my Cowboy Kool-Aid all over the sports section.
I already was on my second cup by the time I had reached Brooking’s quote on Page 5DD.
If Bill Parcells was still at Valley Ranch, I also would have gotten in trouble for eating the cheese he used to talk about for Monday morning’s breakfast.
I think have a case of "The Cow," or D1C1, as it is known in the medical world.
I want to use my cellphone and my land line so I can get through on lines 1
and 2 to talk about how the Cowboys will win 44-6 in Philadelphia, how it’s time to extend Wade Phillips’ contract, how Jerry Jones has to be concerned that his new stadium hasn’t been up to his team’s level of play, how to save space they should just put "2009 Cowboys" in the Ring of Honor, how Miles Austin could become the first player to play in the Hall of Fame Game the same weekend he’s inducted into the Hall ...
I could go on and on, but I would just be repeating what you have already said around your office water cooler.
I know what some of you are thinking. Yes, I’m the guy who was talking about the Cowboys’ victory parade after the dramatic win against the winless Kansas City Chiefs. About how the bye week was that best thing that could happen to the Cowboys. About "Sam Hurd vs. Champ Bailey" and "Sam Hurd vs. Champ Bailey: The Rematch."
But remember, I’m a humor columnist. I was only joking back then. I knew I had to get those jokes in before the March to Miami commenced.
Speaking of the Super Bowl, I am frustrated because I can’t locate a weather forecast for Miami the first week of February. I need to know how to pack.
What’s not for travel agents to like ’bout them Cowboys?
Tony Romo has averaged 306 yards passing over his last three games with eight touchdowns and no interceptions. Forget the Brett Favre comparisons. He’s Peyton Manning. Or Tom Brady. Or maybe even both.
And just wait until he and Roy Williams get it figured out!
Once defenses start triple-teaming Austin — and you know they’ll have to — that will open things up for Williams. And Roy already is a Pro Bowl lock solely for his downfield blocking.
And just wait until Jason Witten starts scoring touchdowns. He has scored only once this season, and that was against the New York Giants — way back around the first time I was claiming the Cowboys were going to the Super Bowl. (I’m joking, again. Remember, I’ve always claimed the Cowboys were going to the Super Bowl.)
And the defense ... Big Money DeMarcus Ware is a sack machine, with a sack in three consecutive games. Bobby Carpenter is a sack machine, too, with a sack in one consecutive game.
Vegas should be taking bets on whether the Cowboys’ defense will outscore the Eagles’ offense on Sunday.
Man, oh, man. It seems like three years, not three games, ago that the Cowboys were 2-2 and telling us that they could have been 3-1 or 4-0.
Now they’re 5-2, and the players are telling us they are what they are.
There is no need for the players to get more specific. Everybody can plainly see what the Cowboys are: back.
So don’t go ruining your sports section over any future Keith Brooking warnings. Drink up! And pass the Cowboy Kool-Aid. I need a refill.
Follow sports humor columnist David Thomas on Twitter @FansInsider.
David Thomas, 817-390-7760
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