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Posted on Sun, Jul. 06, 2008

Good to know U.S. still champs of overeating

Putting on our Sunday best ...

Joey Chestnut kept the coveted mustard-yellow belt in the United States by defeating six-time world champion Takeru Kobayashi in Coney Island’s annual hot dog eating-contest. Finally, some much-needed good news for our country — we’re still the best at overeating junk food.

Coincidentally, the American Heart Association said just this week that, "A comprehensive, population-based strategy is needed to reduce the alarming prevalence of obesity in the United States." I don’t think thousands from the U.S. population gathering to watch a comprehensive hot dog-eating contest turned off the obesity alarms.

Chestnut and Kobayashi were tied after eating 59 hot dogs in 10 minutes, forcing a five hot dog overtime. Now that kind of overtime could give a whole new meaning to sudden death.

Immediately after winning the contest, Chestnut edged out Kobayashi in the Rolaids eating contest.

What happened when Chestnut got too close to where they were preparing the hot dogs for the contest? Kobayashi screamed, "Chestnut’s roasting on an open fire!"

Usually when a 41-year-old mom talks about her experiences in the pool, it’s to tell cute stories from the school car pool. But then there’s Dara Torres, who won the 100 freestyle to qualify for the U.S. Olympic team and, no doubt, a slew of minivan-endorsement opportunities.

Tired of underperforming during the NBA’s All-Star Weekend, the Dallas Mavericks signed former dunk champion Gerald Green.

Just for old time’s sake, I wish Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington would have gone out to the Yankee Stadium mound Wednesday night and pulled Sidney Ponson.

The Philadelphia Phillies called up pitcher J.A. Happ from the Triple A Lehigh Valley IronPigs. The IronPigs are in last place in their division so, yes, they truly are the Happ-less IronPigs.

Ollie the Optimist says he watches baseball games and golf tournaments on television and says to himself, "Man, I wish I could get my lawn to look like that." And then he watches the final few days of Wimbledon and feels better about his yard.

Just think about how good Tiger Woods’ numbers would be if his left knee hadn’t been bothering him, he has revealed, "for 10 to 12 years." I guess that makes Tiger my generation’s Mickey Mantle.

The PGA Tour has begun drug-testing golfers, and this could represent a major change for golfers, who are used to going to the bathroom behind trees on remote parts of courses.

Under Tour policy, a golfer who tests positive will not have his name revealed until all appeals have taken place. Also, the specific drug used will not be released. To make things even more player-friendly, these announcements will take place only at tournaments in which Tiger is not competing, while fewer people are paying attention.

Accompanying talk that Brett Favre may un-retire, there’s even speculation that Favre could wind up playing for the Chicago Bears. Hey, don’t shrug off that unlikely pairing. A week ago, did you think you’d be reading those reports about Alex Rodriguez and Madonna?

Is the NBA going to give us another team nickname that doesn’t end in "s?" TheDaily Oklahoman polled online readers to see which possible nickname they preferred for Oklahoma City’s new team. The honest truth: The top vote-getter, with 40 percent, was "Other."

David Thomas’ sports humor column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.