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April 27, 2011

My colors are blush and bashful

A few months ago, we find out we were having a baby. I was very excited and began to consider all the names and nursery designs that I'd like to do.

Then, a few weeks ago, we found out we were having a girl. The only problem with that was - I had only considered boy names and boy rooms. Pink, flowers, and bows were not in the equation.

So now as I embark on the next few months of mommyhood, I have to come to terms with the fact that I am having a girl. A precious sweet, beautiful and intelligent little girl. And I'm totally freaked out.

Friends and family have tried to give me suggestions for names, however, nothing has really struck me yet. And after hours of looking at nurseries colors and furniture, the thoughts of how to deal with thinks like boobs, periods and heartbreak all keep starring me at the face.

It's not that I don't want a's just that I think I still have yet to figure things out for myself as a woman, so perhaps I feel like I shouldn't be the resource for another girl to begin her journey of womanhood.

Deep down inside, even though my favorite color is black, there's a little pink that wants to come out. Or maybe it's a lot of pink. Whatever it is, I need to learn that I'm no longer Shelby, but I'm the one with the football helmet. (If you don't get that reference, then you must be a man, since I don't know any women who don't own a copy of "Steel Magnolias" and watch it for no other reason than to make themselves cry.)

I think maybe it's that little part of me that is so scared I might try to make her like me and not let her be her own person. There's such a careful balance between sharing what you know and then making up her mind for her. I hope that I can help her make the best decisions for her. I just think this is crazy I was so ready to be a boy mom and being a girl mom seems so much harder.

What do you think?

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