I'm depressed ...

By Brittany Leger Texans Talk Staff Writer

Hello, my name is Brittany...

I’m depressed. And you might be too.

I lie awake in bed, thinking thoughts unintentionally—intense and upsetting thoughts—and believe me, they’re not the most comforting thoughts to fall asleep to. The worse thing about it is that there’s nothing I can do about it. Hardly eating, always crying, suffering with a weak immune system and trying to push away constant unwanted thoughts are all things I deal with every day of my life. I’m clinically depressed.

And this is something more people go through than they might realize—or admit to themselves. According to Sue Scheff, author of the webpage ÒAbout Teen Depression,Ó about 20 percent of teens will experience depression before they reach adulthood, and somewhere between 10 and 15 percent of teens show symptoms of depression at any given time. More and more teens are falling under this spell of depression and anxiety, and juggling upcoming graduation and mental struggles is a task we have to take on in addition to our personal strain.

I find myself having to worry about my emotional problems so often that it makes me physically sick, all while having to put what should be my first priority—school and graduation—on the backburner. I’ve suffered severely with my grades, compared to those of the straight-A honor student I once was.

The moment high school started, it seemed like the anxiety attacks and compulsive down-hearted thoughts started getting worse by the moment. I knew there was something wrong with me, but I didn’t know what or how to make myself better. Finally, I spoke up and went to a doctor. I always knew deep inside, but having a doctor’s diagnosis and committing to a trend of medication put a realistic sense of how I’ve got to deal with this. Actually sitting and realizing I’m ‘depressed’ and have an anxiety disorder made it all the more difficult to cope with at first.

Having an absent parent, living from place to place, being separated from family, struggling to get to school everyday and having harsh personal crises all have a profound effect on a teenager, and what most don’t realize is that depression and anxiety disorders are very common in today’s youth. Even changes in society itself bring additional stress into life. This is something adolescents have to accept and cope with. My anxiety will always be a part of me; it all depends on how I handle myself throughout it. There are downfalls to how everyone deals with everyday life, and I find myself being guilty of letting things get the best of me. I can’t help it.

With college approaching and the real world waiting to slap us in the face, getting prepared for post-graduation can be tedious and stressful, and this stress only seems to make matters worse for those of us already struggling. Admitting to yourself, as I had to do, that there is a problem, and then maybe even revealing some of your most troubling emotions to someone whom you love and trust helps a lot.

This is the first step in trying to rid yourself of the disease. Anti-depressants and medications can’t take emotions away, but they do help you to eat and relax again. To deal with my emotions, I find writing to myself or talking to someone is more therapeutic than the medicine I have to take.

Graduating has become my biggest worry, and being bed-ridden because my emotions can’t contain themselves puts a damper on getting my grades in shape and preparing for college. I‘m more terrified of graduating than anything I’ve ever been scared of before, but now that I’ve sought help and am now trying to take control of this burden, my mind has become clearer so that I can focus on my education and not my anxieties.

I’ve been trying to pick myself back up again, for I’ve recently been at an all-time low. If you think you need help, someone to talk to or a way to ease some underlying stress, then find your closest peer, talk to a comforting person or write to yourself as I do. I find it better to write because I know the paper can’t judge how I feel, and that makes me comfortable with finally expressing myself. If you’re spiritual or religious, find a guide or use meditation as your release. Regardless of how you learn to cope, the important thing is that you realize you need help, and that you seek it.

Brittany Leger writes for Texans Talk at Sam Houston High School in Arlington.