TMS Pit Stops: Larry the Cable Guy talks heartburn, NASCAR gas

Posted Sunday, Apr. 06, 2014  comments  Print Reprints

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That middle-aged man walking around Texas Motor Speedway appearing to be an oversized Prilosec pill about to burst out of its capsule was actually Larry the Cable Guy.

Larry, of course, is a spokesman for the heartburn medication, but he showed up to the track with another medical device: a neck brace. The famed standup comic hurt himself falling off a mechanical bull while filming Jingle All the Way 2.

Yet he dressed the part for his scheduled remote control race with Ryan Newman in a purple Prilosec race fire suit. However, the race was called off because of the rain.

Larry still stopped by, though, to entertain a few questions from the gallery.

Q: Did you have any concerns that the high intensity of the race with Ryan Newman would exacerbate your heartburn problem?

A: With remote control cars, I think I could have gotten him. Now, if it was in real cars, it would be real heartburn.

Q: Doctor tells you you have to become a vegetarian. What does that diet consist of?

A: Fried pickles. You know, I saw an article just out the other day that said vegetarians have shorter, less fulfilled lives. It was like the journal of English medicine or some such.

Q: Who has the worst gas in NASCAR?

A: I’ve never been asked the most gaseous NASCAR driver. I don’t know who it is, but I can only imagine. It would’ve been Jimmy Spencer. I’m scared to say Danica Patrick.

Quack, quack

The Robertson family members of Duck Commander, the race sponsor, were in town and were prepared to take on their varied roles at TMS. Duck Commander CEO Willie Robertson figured about 30 or 40 of the brood were at the track.

“Some bearded people might have slipped in there claiming they’re kin,” Willie said.

All the main characters will have parts to play.

• Patriarch Phil Robertson will be the honorary starter.

• The unconventional Uncle Si will be the grand marshal.

• Jase Robertson introduced the top 10 starters during driver introductions.

• Jep Robertson will ride shotgun with pace car driver Jason Witten of the Dallas Cowboys.

• Jase’s wife, Missy, sang the national anthem and presumably will again.

• Willie and his wife, Korie, will present the Duck Commander 500 trophy to the winner.

Si said he had the script for his job memorized: “Three simple steps. OK, No. 1, is, OK … drivers to your cars. OK, all right, you knuckleheads get in them.”

Then, and, as you read, think One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest:

“No. 3, gentlemen, start your engines!”

They both drive

Did you know that NASCAR Sprint Cup driver David Gilliland and Woods were teammates on the high school golf team at Western High School in Anaheim, Calif.?

The two actually played together from the fifth grade to the 11th grade.

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