Keeping track of turns

By Judy Lee

Sunday at church, I overheard the little girl next to me whisper to her mommy as the woman applied lip gloss and dropped it in her bag, "It's my turn." She wanted to dig in her mother's purse and get out her lipstick. Her mom said no.

At the grocery, the little boy in the cart said, "My turn, Mommy." He wanted to pick out some candy and she said no. I barely remember my children saying those cute little, heart-stopping, words until they were older. Truthfully, and still today with just the two of us, I don't hear those words at all, rather, "It's your turn!"

When the children were babies, it was always someone else's turn to give them a bath or change their diapers.

"There's only two adults here and it's your turn!" I say.

"I did it last time," he responds, no matter what it is.

"It's your turn to feed the baby," I say scooting the high chair next to him at the dinner table.

"But my dinner will be cold," he whines. "Besides, I did it last time."

"You did not. You worked late, remember?"

As the children age and their vocabulary expands to more than "Mine," we parents are introduced to "my turn."

"Isn't that cute," the daddy figure says when one little helper takes a turn driving in the front seat of his truck while parked in the driveway. "Isn't that cute," when they want a turn at mowing the lawn with their little plastic lawn mower. Or my all-time favorite when our oldest son took his "turn" with the golf club and knocked his sister out cold with the ball that hit her square between her eyes while she was dangling from a swing.

"Yes, it is," I say. Actually, it was an improvement over "Mine!" And, I say this lovingly as I drag one of the girls from the counter who wants to take a "turn" at adding the butter to the mashed potatoes with her fingers after sticking them in her mouth.

It's no longer cute when it's "whose turn" it is to sit next to the window in the car or to pick their favorite cartoon on Saturday morning. It's "my turn" to lick the beaters from the chocolate cake mix. Or "my turn" to get a new bike. It's always "my turn" to take a nap after an early morning golf match. Guess who says that? Yep, I don't even play golf!

Probably the dumbest question a mother can ask is "whose turn is it...?" For example: "Whose turn is it to give the dog a bath?" The last time that was asked I found four children in the bathtub, three naked and one fully clothed with the dog and pet shampoo everywhere. I guess that answered that question.

I consult The Child Development Manual for Clueless Parents and find the chapter titled: "From 'cute' to 'conflict.'"

"It's your turn, honey, to go visit the school principal. I think someone we know threw the world globe out of the third-floor window and the guy wants to talk to you," I say with a smile. "He's your son."

"I went last time when he stepped on Sara Johnson's Twinkies at the bus stop."

"Oh, for pity sakes. He was in the first grade then! Besides, I cleaned up the armadillo remains the dog played with in the back yard."

Or how about little ditty: "It's your turn to take the girls to ballet."

"I hate ballet so you take them."

"You need to see what they're doing because they're going to have their performance next month and it's your turn to watch."

Or to "take them to swim practice because there will be a swim meet in two weeks and you haven't seen them swim all year."

"I've seen them swim."

"Not like this."

Or "it's your turn" to take them to ball practice, Girl Scout/Boy Scout camp, tennis, sell Girl Scout cookies, sit through an entire school's athletic banquet for the one child you are interested in seeing.

Dishes have their own challenge and with more and more children joining our family, I resorted to making a list. The three that could read checked that list and became deceptively creative.

"It's your turn to do the dishes because I folded the clothes." "You did not, you only sorted the socks." "I had to feed the dog." "It's your turn to put the knives away." "Daddy, whose turn is it to clean up the dog doo from the yard?"

I made a new list.

Let's try picking up the living room before going to bed.

"Everyone, pick up!"

At first no one moves because the TV is still on. I turn off the television and point. I hear "It's your turn to put the Monopoly game away. I did it last time." "No, you didn't, you just pushed it under the couch." Another stupid parental question, "Whose turn is it to put the Play Doh away?" (Please see paragraph on dumbest question.)

High school brings back "It's my turn." "It's my turn to get the groceries," my daughter says with her new license in hand. "It's my turn to take the girls to school." "It's my turn to HAVE the car." "It's my turn to use the phone (back in the day)." "It's my turn in the bathroom!" "It's my turn to have someone spend the night/have a party/trash the house." Really?

So whose turn is it now since the children have gone? Just like a broken record. "It's your turn to fix dinner." "It's your turn to do the dishes." "It's your turn to fold the laundry, change the sheets, clean the bathroom, vacuum, dust."

"It's your turn to..."

"Who are you talking to?" I ask my husband when the "your turns" seem to be directed at me. He just looks up from the new book on his Kindle. Oh, I see, my turn.

I pick up the phone.

"Hello, Happy Housekeepers..."

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