I've spent more than 20 years helping college-bound students find their ideal higher education environment. But last week, as I dropped my daughter off at Texas Christian University, I was able to say for the first time that I've experienced the admission process from a father's perspective.
During a two-year-long college search with Ryan Emily, I learned that the role of father rarely overlaps with the role of expert. Ryan Emily often valued my willingness to drive long distances more highly than my eagerness to share knowledge gleaned as university vice president for admission -- hard for me to accept, sometimes, but a valuable lesson.Ryan Emily accepted an offer from TCU, her perfect match. That decision carried a new set of challenges and lessons, first of which was choosing a major. Ryan Emily was accepted into TCU's engineering program, which she fell in love with during her initial visit. However, like many young students, she has diverse interests and is not sure of her career ambition.A couple weeks of daddy-daughter walks around the neighborhood proved fruitful. After evaluating her passions, she decided to follow in her mom's footsteps and pursue speech language pathology. The expert in me knows that even if she changes her mind again, that's normal: 40 percent of students change majors once they are actually taking classes.The next daunting task involved selecting a roommate. This process is akin to online dating. Students fill out questionnaires and receive a list of students with whom they are compatible. Then they stalk each other on Facebook and other social media platforms. After a few weeks of "friending" and Skyping, someone finally gets up the nerve to ask the big question: Do you want to move in together?From my own Facebook stalking, her roommate seems like a wonderful girl with a wonderful family. But for Ryan Emily, there was still the anxiety of meeting face-to-face for the first time.Other major hurdles have come in the form of, well, forms. Financial aid/billing information, health forms, housing forms, financial aid/billing information, orientation forms -- oh, and did I mention financial aid/billing information?The federal government is trying to find a much-needed way to assist (force) the nation's colleges and universities to streamline this process.Fortunately, Ryan Emily understood the reason I asked for access to her university account. It isn't to spy; it's to keep her enrolled!Last was course selection. The course schedule was nerve-racking for a student conditioned to receiving her schedule from a guidance counselor. So many questions! Why do I have to take social sciences? Do my AP credits transfer? Can all my classes be between 11-1, with lunch built in?This is where my professional and fatherly knowledge meet to say: Why all the pressure?I know there are costs to be considered, but college years should be for exploration. If she switches majors and needs to catch up with summer courses, it's another teachable moment.Meanwhile, this admission VP is finding many teachable moments in his role as a father.It is our parental duty to dispense wisdom, but we need also to let our children breathe, let them fail and know true satisfaction when they get back up and succeed. We need to let the process work, let our (now adult) children experience the frustration of confusion and the exhilaration of clarity.Trying to fit all Ryan Emily's stuff in the car as we took her to move in -- now, that was pressure!Tom F. Delahunt is the vice president for admission and student financial planning at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa.admission@drake.eduHave more to add? News tip? Tell us
