Domestic violence also turning deadly for family, friends of victims

By Deanna Boyd and Melody McDonald

dboyd@star-telegram.com

Trini Ta Do's husband would beat her in front of the kids, pour water in her face to keep her from sleeping, and, on several occasions, pull a gun.

He also accused her of putting her family before him.

"I couldn't stand it, so I told him he needs to respect me and my family," Trini Do said in a sworn court document in December, made in broken English. "He was so angry and come toward me and slaps me twice in my face."

Seven months later, Trini Do and four other members of her family would be dead, gunned down by her husband, Tan Quoc Do, inside a Grand Prairie roller skating rink during a birthday party for their son. Four other family members were wounded in the Saturday night shooting before Tan Quoc Do turned the gun on himself.

According to SafeHaven of Tarrant County statistics, domestic abuse has accounted for 13 Tarrant County deaths this year.

What is startling, officials say, is that Saturday night's shooting marks the fourth time in a little more than a month that domestic violence has claimed the lives of family members and friends beyond the intended target.

"It is the most disturbing trend that I think I have ever seen in my 20 years of doing this," said Mary Lee Hafley, CEO of the SafeHaven of Tarrant County.

Dalton James Bennett Jr. is suspected of fatally shooting his estranged wife and two of her friends and wounding a fourth man at her Arlington home June 18, according to Arlington police.

On June 20, Darren Clemmons, whose estranged girlfriend had recently kicked him out of her southwest Fort Worth town home, fatally shot the woman and a visiting friend before turning the gun on himself.

Luis A. Perez of Alvarado is accused of shooting and fatally wounding his ex-girlfriend's mother July 3 after the woman stepped outside her apartment to talk with him, Arlington police say.

"I just find this so incredibly disturbing that the batterers are taking out their vengeance not only on their partners but on the people who are important to that partner ... on innocent bystanders," Hafley said.

Hafley said the tragedies are a reminder of the importance of emergency shelters.

"I think we've always known that families and friends of victims are potentially in a dangerous situation, but this summer has just underlined that and put it in capital letters," Hafley said. "People who are in domestic violence situations cannot take refuge with family or friends. That is not the place of safety for them."

Violent history

The Dos exchanged vows on March 5, 2000, but their 11-year relationship was tumultuous.

In 2008, Trini Do filed for divorce, but the case was dismissed four months later, in April 2009, because she didn't pursue it.

On Dec. 17, 2010, Trini Do sought a protective order against her husband.

Trini Do described how, in early 2010, her husband dragged her to the closet, pulled a gun and threatened to shoot himself if she left him.

On another occasion, she said, her husband called her names, cursed her family and slapped her in front of the kids.

"I asked my son to called 911 but he was scared and starts crying," Trini Do wrote in the affidavit. "I felt bad that my kids were involved in this too. So I grab the phone and try to dial 911, but I didn't want my husband got arrested so I dial a number first before I dial 911."

Tan, she said, dragged her to the kitchen and slammed her into his knee. Afterward, he gathered up all of his guns and threatened to shoot anyone who showed up at their house.

"The kids saw that and they both frighten and cry so bad. At that time, I just want to protect them so I tried to calm them down and does everything Tan asks me to do to calm him down too," she wrote.

Another time, Trini Do wrote, her husband took all of the money out of their joint bank account, took credit cards from her purse and refused to let her sleep.

"He poured water in my face everytime I closed my eyes," she wrote.

On Nov. 21, 2010, Trini Do told her husband she wanted a divorce. He dragged her into the bedroom in front of her crying daughter, who was locked outside. She said he then put a pillow over her face and "try to pull and gun and shoot me." She said her husband let her go after she promised not to report the incident to police.

"I was confused, scared, tired and didn't know what to do," she wrote. "I tried to let it go but every time I close my eye, I remember what he did."

Though she left her husband and was granted the protective order on Dec. 23, Trini Do later changed her mind.

"My husband promised to change and will work on our marriage for our kids," Trini Do said in another sworn statement. "I hope that I am making the right decision on the last chance and pray that he can really change."

Injunction lifted

But an associate judge decided that Trini Do still needed protection and put an injunction in place for the next 60 days, which ordered her estranged husband not to threaten or harass her or carry a gun.

"There was a hope that would she would change her mind during that time," said Julie A. Sladek, an assistant Tarrant County district attorney in the Family Protective Order Unit who represented Do in her case.

On March 9, however, Trini went back to court and requested the injunction be dismissed.

This time, the court granted her wish.

Sladek and her supervisor, Ann Diamond, who is chief of the DA's specialized services division, say they try and encourage domestic violence victims to keep protective orders in place. Hafley said national research has found that a woman, on average, will attempt to leave an abuser three to seven times before she succeeds.

"Victims tend to give multiple second chances because the bottom line is they don't really want the relationship to end; they just want the abuse to stop," Hafley said. "They remember at some point in time that the relationship seemed good."

Children, Hafley said, can sometimes be a motivation for staying or leaving an abuse relationship.

"The children can be a reason to stay, but when the children then are threatened or a mother perceives the children's lives are in danger, then that becomes a motivator," she said.

Trini Do and Tan Quoc Do's deaths left behind two children -- a 3-year-old girl and a son, the birthday boy, who turns 11 next month.

"It's devastating. Here it is this little boy's birthday party and that's what he's going to remember," Hafley said. "At his 11-year-old birthday party, his mom and dad die. How does a child process all that?"

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