It’s still months away, but already I can tell when the day comes it’s going to be a tough step for me to take in motherhood. I’m sure there will be anxiety, sadness and even some second-guessing. But I’m also sure it’ll all work out just fine in the end. To what event am I speaking? The first night I will spend away from my now 18-month-old daughter.
Many people probably think it’s stunning that this day hasn’t come already, after 18 months. But I haven’t had a real reason to be away for a night since she was born. There have been many days and evenings out, adult-only time and date nights. But never an overnight. She’s come on all out-of-town trips and vacations we’ve taken in the last year and a half. But this time, my husband and I are going it alone. It’ll only be two or three nights away, but right now that sounds like an eternity. I’m sure in many way it’ll be freeing. But I’m also worried I won’t be able to keep my worry to a minimum.
Part of my worry is that we’re not just heading to resort a state or two away. True, we’ll still be in the same state. But we’ll be on a canoe trip, in the back country, where cell phones will not work. We’ll have no way to communicate, to check in or to call and say good night. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I’m hoping it’ll be good. A totally forced vacation from being mom. I’ll really have to let go and trust that she can survive without me for a few days. She can, right? But part of me is also starting to wonder where I came up with this crazy idea!
Maybe I’ll just pay a little extra to rent that satellite phone, after all.