Bernie contemplates giving up the keys

By Bonnie Rundell

Meet Bernard Grant.

Bernie, as family and friends like to call him, is the first in my Miss Daisy Driving series who is facing the "to-drive-or-not-to-drive" dilemma.

Born near Itaska on Feb. 6, 1920, Bernie moved to Dallas at age 21 with his father, after the death of his mother. He went to work as a grocery boy and there he met his wife, Kathleen, whose father owned the flooring store next door. He and Kathleen married in 1946 and had a baby girl in 1950.

Bernie worked for Kathleen's father several years and eventually opened his own antique shop with his wife, which they owned and operated for 30 years. Tragedy struck in l997 when he lost his only daughter, Vickie, and then again in l999 with the loss of his beloved wife.

Bernie moved back to Itaska for a short while, and then to Granbury. He became a resident of Weatherford after suffering a heart attack in 2004.

A local assisted living facility is Bernie's current home. Every day, like clockwork, he drives his 1990 Chevy Extended Cab about five miles to his sister-in-law's (Jan Gaston) place in the country. He likes to feed his dogs (Rocky, Max, Dinky, Teddy, Bridget and Muffin) and sort though things he has stored at her place.

Most days he leaves after breakfast, returns for lunch, and leaves again for the afternoon, coming home for dinner and bedtime. This ritual results in about 20 miles per day of driving.

Bernie turned 90 on Feb. 6. His eyesight is not good, he walks with the aid of a walker, and he experiences a little hearing loss. His mind, however, is sharp as a tack, and he is often described as a "character."

I met Bernie at his sister-in-law's home for an interview last September. When I arrived, he was lifting a heavy walker from the back of the truck with some difficulty, and I noticed his balance was precarious at best.

He is a tall man of impressive stature, yet gentle, intelligent, and pleasant to converse with. He knew the nature of my visit, and when asked how he felt about his continued driving, he said, "I really don't think I should be....I plan to give it up in two weeks."

He showed me his driver license, which will not expire until 2013. He was forthright in admitting that his eyesight was bad and he had trouble getting around physically. But, it was also clear that he loved his daily excursions and visits with his dogs.

Gaston worries about Bernie's safety both while driving and while alone at her place. At 52, she is a full-time nursing student at Weatherford College, and often is not home while Bernie is on the property. The personnel at his assisted living facility have also expressed concerns about his daily trips, citing incidents such as leaving his truck running in the parking lot, slow reflexes, poor parking, and eyesight issues.

As this article goes to print, Bernie is still driving. He has a friend who occasionally drives him, but sources say his friend appears to be as old or older than he is!

Gaston is preparing to interview for a companion/driver. This person would not only drive Bernie, but also help with yard work and maintenance for Gaston. The compromise would allow for outings three or four days a week in return for hanging up the keys.

This solution allows Bernie to spend time with his special canine friends, keep track of his possessions, enjoy the outdoors, and have someone available for help or conversation as well as driving responsibilities. Gaston would also benefit from having someone to mow her acreage, do light maintenance and gardening, and, most important, she would have peace of mind knowing Bernie was safe and happy.

This sounds like a possible win/win for everyone involved! And, for those who may not need the yard work/maintenance angle, there are agencies such as Senior Helpers who simply provide drivers/companions for shopping, church, outings, etc.

I hope this article has provided some insight for families experiencing a similar decision. I sincerely thank Bernard Grant and Jan Gaston for helping to put real faces, on real people, facing real problems here in our community.

Bonnie Rundell is a comedienne, motivational speaker and riding instructor (those are the most frequently used labels) based in Weatherford.

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